Name that baby!

So when I went to the doctor this morning he said, "well, do we have names picked out for a boy and a girl?"  Ummm ... about that .... pretty sure about boy's first name, back and forth on the middle name.  Pretty sure about the girl's full name ... but again, just pretty sure, not 100%.  I am sure you are thinking, "It's ok, you still have 6 or 7 weeks."  Probably not ...

On Friday afternoon while at the grocery store getting things to be ready for our guests coming that evening, I had a contraction.  Nothing new ... I've been having Braxton Hicks since about 15 weeks.  But this one made me have to stop and hold my back and catch my breath.  Still ok.  Then  I had another one while waiting in the check out line.  Then again on my way home and again when I was walking in the door.  Hmmmm.  I decided to lay down on my left side, drink water, and start keeping up with them.  They were very regular that whole night every 15 minutes.  Got in touch with my doctor and he said if they got under 10 for 2 hours to go in. The rule of thumb is 5 minutes, but with where we live and having a c-section, he said 10 to be safe.  Made it through the night, took it super easy Saturday until I had to go to a Christmas party for a photo shoot.  They were still consistently averaging 15 minutes apart.  Probably shouldn't have done the shoot, but it was a BIG deal Christmas party.  Equipment rented.  Kind of like a wedding reception.  Made it through the shoot with only 2 contractions.  Car ride home they picked up.  Made it through the night.  Sunday morning they were about an hour a part so went to church.  Did really great until the last 30 minutes of church.  They started coming on 2-4 minutes apart at some point and then 6-7. Here is the timer in case you want a visual:

 Went home (instead of ER) and laid down .... calmed them to averaging 15 minutes again.  Same throughout that night.  Around 11:30 Sunday night I did get nervous - well, more nervous - for the first time I had one really HURT and made me want to push.  That went away and didn't come back after praying (pleading) with God.  First thing Monday morning was in doctor's office.  I just HATE the ER.  I HATE them to check me, tell me what to do and send me home.  I wanted my doctor and I am so thankful that God protected baby and I to get there this morning.  I love my doctor.  I think if he weren't my "that kind of doctor" we could be best family friends.  On top of the contractions, I have all of the other pre-term labor symptoms, except water breaking, so this was just a nerve wracking last few days. 

Here is the run down of the check up:
I am 32 weeks according to the doctor, so technically 8 weeks to go.
Originally would plan to do a c-section at 39, but right now with all this we are hoping to make it to 36.
I am barely (if any) dilated (GREAT NEWS).
50% effaced.
Put on medication to control the contractions - can only take this up until the beginning of 36 weeks so let's hope this helps and takes me that far.
Bed rest - no more photo shoots :( ... I have 3 left on the schedule but have amazing, wonderful clients that understand.
Up to 17 pounds gained - I gained 18 with Kirby.
Definitely dropped - belly measured 31 weeks last visit and today measured 29.
Will go back in one week for baby measurements and all of the other "right before you deliver" screenings to make sure all is great just in case something happens sooner than later.  Especially with the holidays and offices being closed some days.

Prayer Requests:
Meds work and contractions slow.
Baby stays put for at least 4 more weeks - would love to make it to 37 or 38, but if we can get to 36 will be happy.
I embrace bed rest - I do not sit still well.  (I have already partially moved my office onto my bed.  Soon will come the wrapping paper and gifts.  And laundry to fold.)
Kirby will understand and adjust.  She has already had a hard time from this past weekend.  Last night CR was trying to change her and put her to bed after church without her seeing me so that I wouldn't have to go in there.  I kept hearing her say, "I want to see her .... I want to just see her."  So of course I went in there, rocked her and put her to bed.  Sorry, a momma's gotta do what a momma's go to do.  We are going to try a new routine tonight where CR will actually do the putting to bed so I don't have to lift her over the bed.
That through this we will grow even stronger in our Faith, trust and patience in the Lord.  God's grace is sufficient.  Pray that I would use this time to rest not only my body, but also my soul with the wonderful Word.


 Kirby yesterday wanting to snuggle with mommy ....with her mat from school of course.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  2 Corinthians 12:9

Howdy strangers

Sorry for being MIA the last um ... 2 months?  Where has the time gone?  I literally feel like it was just summer time.  Route One Photography has taken over my life with Christmas pictures.  I was not planning on this, but God knows what we need so I go with it and thankfully we make it work.  Just not a lot of time to update and spill my guts to all of you.

Here is a quick run down of things going on around here, and hopefully I will be able to update regularly from now on ... only 4 sessions separate me and a break ... I say break ... the baby will be here before we know it, so just a break from business.

Kirby Rose

• Talks our ears off with full sentences.  A few of her new favorite phrases: ooh kay, oh my goodness (holds her hands to her face), what are you guys doing in here, Kirby do it ...
• Has lost weight instead of gained ... just a couple of pounds.  She has had a terrible cold for the last 3 weeks so I think that has made her appetite go down.  And I know this age goes through eating spurts.
• Loves to ride the tractor, go with daddy or daddy Ray to work, check on the pigs, feed the dogs, water the plants, go get the mail, help sweep - she really loves her "chores".
• Knows her #s 1-14 (saying them) and can identify them up to 7.
• Knows part of her ABCs.
• Knows all of her colors.
• Makes the funniest faces when she is thinking and puts her finger to her lip and says, "ummmm, ummmm"
• Challenges me everyday in ways that are so good - like what can I do to help her grow even more in this aspect ...
• Loves church and Mother's Day Out.
• Likes to say the prayer before we eat and bed.  Loves to sing her joy to the Lord.

New Baby

• Gained 15 lbs this pregnancy so far.
• My calendar says I am 34 weeks (yikes) but the doctor says I am 32.
• The above means that if my calendar is right and this baby comes when Kirby did, we have 2 1/2-3 weeks ... and no, nothing is ready.
• I feel like this kiddo has no where else to go.  It's feet are in my throat.  This baby has definitely been much more uncomfortable than Kirby.
• We have a boy name we LOVE - just not 100% sure I love it with our last name.  The middle name is still between 2.  Girl name is pretty set .... as of now.  What are your predictions?
• I am having stronger contractions but they are far apart so no worries.

CR and I got to have a little get away a month ago (wow it's been a month!).  I had to work too, but we were by ourselves and had an afternoon of not working, so that was nice.  I had some shoots in San Antonio, so the Patrick's kept Kirby.  I had morning shoots and then we met up with everyone for Eva's birthday party.  Then we hightailed it out of there, went shopping, had a wonderful dinner, the Aggie's BTHO Alabama, stayed at a hotel, then back on the road for another photo shoot and to head home.  It was fast, but any time together is nice.  

We were able to travel to Montgomery for Thanksgiving.  That was a blessing!  CR and I got quite a bit of moments together since we had so many people around willing to take care of Kirby.  I had to take some pictures in College Station, so for our anniversary we ended up where it all began.  Yes, the same butterflies are still there that I had for him 8 years ago.  We even ate at the same restaurant as we did on our first date - our booth was taken but it was fun to go there.  I was thinking back about the conversations we had there 8 years ago and how different they were from what we were talking about that night.  That date was when CR realized just how healthy and picky I am about food - and he still kept me.  

I have a FEW pictures to share, but with being so busy shooting others I haven't been good about whipping out my camera for my family.  I did finally find my point and shoot that has been missing since we moved in to this house, so hopefully that will change!

Brayleigh and Kyleigh's Early Birthday Party (just so we could attend ... thanks for the memories!)

 This was at 28 weeks.

 Date night!

 She wanted to hold Brayleigh.

 We made a cardboard Christmas tree and decorated it for her to put with her other tree ... she decided it made a better birthday hat.

Before leaving for school this morning, she said, "Cheese Paw Paw".

Blessed

even in the midst of craziness and not-on-routine days, I still have an overwhelming sense of blessedness.  I have joy in my heart, so it always content, but pure blessed is how I feel.  It is crazy and non-routine because photography is busy.  It is crazy and non-routine because the farm is busy (we got some rain!!).  It is crazy and non-routine because we have so many avenues of growing with the Lord that we can not stand to miss them.  And I wouldn't go back and change a thing.

Amongst this busyness, dad came to the rescue when CR went out of town for almost a week.  Good ol' daddy, always putting others before himself.  Always.  If anyone ever says anything different, I would like to show you his track record.  CR and Ray loaded up the truck and headed on the annual pig trip to the Midwest ... they went as far as Indiana.  I bet you wish you could have been a fly on the wall in that truck.  The next day, dad was here to help me with Kirby.  He did more than that, though.  Every single night he was here, he cooked dinner.  And cleaned the kitchen.  I ate better and my kitchen was cleaner than ever before.

Not only did we enjoy his food, his company was the best part.  Kirby sure does love her Paw Paw.  As soon as he got here, she had to take him to "his room" to do "1-2-3" on the bed and look at the monkey (her) in the mirror.  We walked just about every morning and visited with the cows.  We drove around and looked at mom and dad's pending purchase of some farm land.  We went to church and fellow shipped.  It was just a great, relaxing time to have dad around.  Gave me rest (I do not sleep when CR is gone) so I was more than thankful for that.
Here are just a few moments from that week ... I didn't capture many on camera, but they will always be in my heart:

Since moving Kirby back into her crib, we have had very successful sleeping nights.  Even some naps are coming back.  I lay her down just fine, awake, and she goes right to sleep.  Sometimes we even hear her in there singing herself to sleep.  Such a peace in my heart.  She may be in there till she is 4!  We will save up and buy another crib if it means peace in both of our hearts.

She is becoming (even more) quite the character.  I love having conversations with her.  She uses 3 and 4 word sentences all the time.  The one that I cherish the most from the other morning: I was putting my makeup on and she was brushing her teeth on her stool.  She looked over at me as I wiped on my moisturizer and said, "you're beautiful, mommy".  That is when we had a conversation about being beautiful in our hearts and that makeup doesn't make us beautiful.  Ha, do you think she got much out of it?  I don't know, but she smiled and gave me a kiss.

Some of her favorite songs to sing:
"Joy in my heart"
"Old MacDonald" (except we have to say, "Daddy Ray and Papa have a farm ....")
"Wheels on the Bus"
"Jesus Loves Me"
"ABC"
anything from the Lion King

We are slowly working on Bible verses.  She likes to say the prayer when we eat ... she repeats after me right now, but it is the sweetest thing to hear her say, "Oh Lord (that is her Dear Lord)"

Some favorite phrases she has started to say:
Oh my
No way (sometimes followed by Jose)
Adios
See you later
Come on ... this way
I'll get it
Wait here
Mine (over said but what can you do?)

She is growing like a weed, both physically and mentally.  She keeps me super busy and on my toes.  At this point I am 25 weeks pregnant, and although we were very said about our chemical miscarriage in January, God knew (like always!!) what He was doing.  Not sure how right now I would be juggling a newborn with all that is going on.  Photography would have definitely been put on the back burner, but again, God knew we needed these clients.  He knew, He knows, He knows how I can face tomorrow.  Love His promises and my soul rests on every one of them.

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.” "  Psalm 46:10

Do you ever

feel defeated?  I mean just beat down, drug out, DE.FEAT.ED.  There aren't many times in my life that I can say I have felt this way.  I try to always remember when things don't go "my" way, that it must not be God's way, so hang out awhile and let Him guide you.  Right now, as a momma, I feel totally wrong and like I am ruining my child.  It may be pregnancy emotions mixed in with weariness, exhaustion, and the devil trying to tell me I am worthless.  I feel like I have pushed my child too soon on a couple of things, and all for my own selfishness.  1) I thought she was ready for potty training.  Everything I read says she was.  She was telling me "hu ... poo poo" before she would wet her diaper, she was dry for longer period at a time, and according to one book I read, "if they are 22 months or older, THEY ARE READY."  Well, Kirby wasn't.  Either that or there was too much change and things going on at once for her to totally be ready for it.  She would do really well for me at home, but anywhere else (school, church, in the car) we were having accidents.  We washed the car seat almost every day for a month.  I gave a hard earned run.  But we are back in pull-ups.  2) As mentioned in the post before, we put her in a big girl bed.  There was nothing that told me she was ready for this.  Nothing at all.  I thought it would be better to transition her now with enough time to adjust before a new baby came and "took over" the family and HER bed.  She has loved her bed.  I think too much.  She giggles when she gets in.  She forces herself to stay awake.  She will not nap in it.  For 2 years she slept perfectly (praise the Lord for that blessing) for 2 years.  Then the day we put her in the new bed, everything about her sleeping habits changed.  The no naps have caused sheer exhaustion and over tiredness, which has led to long periods to get her to sleep at night.  Some nights it was just 30 minutes (read a book, sing and rub her back, then leave when she is asleep) .... but last night, oh the mother loads of all nights, it was 3 hours.  It's not 3 hours of straight fighting, but a total of 3 hours.  After 2 I just laid in there and cried, bawled, boo hooed.  Sweet Kirby told me, "It's ok mommy" as she rubbed my back .... "shhh, it's ok mommy".  I explained everything to her that was on my heart.  CR heard me and came in there to my rescue.  At 10:00 she sat with her daddy in his chair while I sat in the shower and just poured my soul out to the Lord.  He kept reminding me, "My grace is sufficient for you, dear child."(stay tuned for a post on this in my other blog)  "Yes, Lord, I know it is, but I feel like I have ruined my child."    So, after much prayer and discussion with CR, we are putting the big bed totally away, hiding it, and putting the crib back up in her room.  We will bring it back out in a couple of months and start all over, this time with daddy just laying her down in bed and walking away.  No mommy laying down with her until she is asleep - no discussions - just bed.

I know I am not a terrible mother.  I know that the world does not win - my God does.  I know that this is a stage that will pass and I eventually will feel peace again.  It's not here yet, but it will come and God will provide the strength.

"My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."  Psalm 121:2

I updated

my other blog, Feeding the Fervent Heart, with a message I just could not shake first thing this morning.  And a recipe for Enchilada Casserole, mainly because it was triple approved by my dad and he is a foodie :).  He ate it while he was down here on the range helping us plant.  I will never forget that time.

Stop by and check it out, and stay tuned ... I've got some new Kirby insights to share this evening if I can get around to it.

God is always ....

... in control.  "That people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me; I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the Lord, who does all these things."  Isaiah 45:6-7

God has many names.  Sometime I would like to do a deeper study on all the names of "The God most high" (EL-ELYON).  But for now, in my book, God is "EL-ROI" , which means the strong one who sees.  He sees all.  All.  All.  I hate to repeat myself, but He sees all.  I am so thankful that He sees all, because that means He knows all and watches over all.  I have a wonderful obgyn.  He is very thorough, very proactive, and very understanding.  He always explains things thoroughly to me and CR and lets us make the ultimate decisions with his guidance.  However, after the last sonogram he somehow failed to mention that I had placenta previa with this baby (he says its because we got off on a tangent about Obama .... hiss).  I had it with Kirby, so when I found out this time  I was not that surprised, but I was a little frustrated that I didn't know.  Why?  Everything was fine.  But, I would not have been doing what I have been doing that last 2 months if I had known this!  Kirby and I trucked many miles from San Antonio, to Montgomery, to back home.  We went on Sea World escapades.  I was hauling her around on my hip and running her to the bathroom to potty train her.  I was helping rearrange furniture ... all of which is a little no-no when you are pregnant to begin with, but when you have previa there is NO LIFTING, PUSHING, or anything that could cause the placenta to totally separate.  Because of EL ROI, I had nothing to worry about.  It didn't matter if I knew, he knew and was taking care of it all.  He was in control.  HAKUNA MA-TATA.
The reason we found out about this suddenly was because the last few days I had been feeling lots of pressure in my cervix and was having contractions.  Braxton hicks I am sure, but they were about every 30 minutes and would make me stop what I was doing, so enough to concern me.  By Tuesday morning I was feeling like if I didn't keep my legs together, this baby was just gonna come on out.  We went in and everything was fine.  He did a thorough check of measurements, checked my cervix, and did a sono and ultrasound.  Previa is almost fully corrected (praise JEHOVAH-RAPHA).  Baby is measuring right on target for 19 weeks (although I say I am 20) and the heart beat was very fast.  The butt was straight up in the air, so for a lot of the ultrasound the screen was off so we couldn't see the gender (teehehehe).  We did get some waves, a gig' em, and a nice foot print.  Hopefully the scans turn out ok on here:

 Baby laying down, hand under the chin doing a "what's up".

 Baby's looking at you!!

Baby foot print!

I lost another pound : / .  Typically I would be happy about this, but not when I am pregnant.  The baby is doing great, so there is no concern there.  I think I need to slow down.  How when I have to keep up with a 2 year old who likes to "run so fast" as she says?  I am sure as the baby continues to grow it will start coming on, but please be praying for continued safety throughout this pregnancy.

A short "Kirby says" excerpt for today, because it is too funny (I think) not to share:
The other night we were getting into Kirby's big girl bed to read a story.  I had picked out the Runaway Bunny story.  As I am reading it, she stops me and:
Kirby: Mommy, cow book.  Want the cow book.
Me: Ok, we can read the cow book.  Where is it?
Kirby: In the bucket.  Over there.  (points to the bucket and begins to crawl down from the bed)  She then looks up and says, "wait, wait here ... I'll get it.  Shhhh .... wait, shhhh."

Kirby's Two

This past weekend we celebrated Kirby's 2nd birthday.  Where has the time gone?  I can already see what people are talking about when they say, "before you know it you will be sending her off to college."  Thankfully the Lord has blessed me with the opportunity to stay home with her while she is young and I can snap shot these memories for my mind.   I know it is just a few weeks difference, but it seems like she has done so much growing up over the last 2 weeks - like over the week when she turned 2, she really turned 2.

Before I get to the pictures, let me fill you in on some of her latest antics:

• potty training is going well.  It took her longer than 3 days as suggested in the book I read and my friends that used that method, but every child is different.  It was very hard on me, being pregnant and having to pick her up and run her to the potty every time I saw the "sign".  The hardest part for the first week was that she refused to let anyone else take her but me.  : /.  Finally I just told the hubs to buck up and get through the fits, that eventually she would learn.  Guess what, she did!  I kept her home from Mother's Day Out while I did this as well so that we could get it down pat.  Yesterday was her first day back and she only had one accident - not because she wet in her pants but because when they put her on the big potty, it sprayed straight out and went all over her clothes.  
• About Mother's Day Out - yesterday she did GREAT when I left her.  The last 2 months she has gone, it has been TERRIBLE for me to leave her.  Knock down, drag out fits.  Yesterday there were no tears what so ever.  That's part of the "all of a sudden she is growing up".  
• Kirby walks around singing all of the time.  This morning she was singing "Amazing Grace".  This was her version: "mazing (babble babble) grace ..... sweet sound".  Sometimes she sings, "Lord soul ... oh soul....".  She often sings and signs "Jesus Loves Me" and it just melts my heart.  Her favorite song to sing to baby is  "Holy, holy, holy".
• She loves to run ... really fast.  She has been going through a stage of using mommy's shoes, but yesterday she ate it on the floor when running really fast in mommy's shoes, so we have tried to nip that.
• She is sleeping in a big girl bed!  I didn't mean to do it all at once with potty training and a crazy schedule, it just happened that way.  I wanted her to have some time to get over her crib being used for the baby.  I didn't want her to think when baby got here, "here this new baby is, taking away my mommy, my bed ...."  So we decided to transition now.  She loves the bed, but getting to sleep in it the first few days was a struggle.  Like an hour and half to two hour struggle.  That has gradually tapered off and last night it was just 30 minutes of singing and reading.  Maybe eventually we will get back to the 10 minutes of settling down, but if not, that's ok too. 

She has started to love to go with CR on the tractor, to the barn, to wherever.  This morning CR said, "Well, I am headed to get on the tractor to shred some brush."  Kirby said, "Me too."

Now on to her birthday.  We did an owl theme because she started liking owls a long time ago.  As soon as she could show like in something, I noticed she had a thing for owls.  In books, at stores, she would always look at them and giggle or reach for them.  Over the last year and a half I have slowly collected owl things to convert her room.  At first I couldn't find much at all, now it is all the rage.  There was quite a bit that I could find for the party and everyone seemed to like it.  The cupcakes were a pintrest find, mom got creative with some goodie bags, and I threw together a quick wreath for the front door.  I had collected some other party things over the last year that would work for any party (flower lights, big balls to hang from the ceiling) and had wrapping paper for table runners.  Easy peasy and for the most part pretty inexpensive.  We kept it "small" ... mainly just family and a few close friends that might as well be family were invited.  The kids swam and played with Kirby's toys (new and old) and the adults seemed to have a great time catching up.  

These are from her actual birthday:

 What we got her for her birthday.  Yes we did.

She was too busy riding to take time out for a full smile!

Birthday outfit from Aunt E!

 Cupcakes!

 Daddy helped blow out the candle!

 For 5 minutes afterwards, she was still singing "Happy Birthday to Kirby"!

 Anna Kate had to show me the mess she had!

 Possibly her favorite gift ever ... her first shot gun!  She points it at the ducks after she calls them in.

More cupcakes - I tried to make this set up look like an owl body ... see the nest?!

 My precious, precious family.

Eva wanted in on the fun!

Sister-in-laws .... same due date!!

 Ryan did very good on Kirby's present!

 Swim time

Thank you to everyone who made this day super special for Kirby.  She keeps talking about it all.  Memories for the cookie jar!

"But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God."  Luke 18:16

My deepest desire is for Kirby to come to know Christ and to inherit the kingdom of God.