"They are 5 today ...

but tomorrow they are 18."  This comment from the showmanship judge stopped me in my tracks.  Tears began to flow down my eyes as I tried to wipe them away before my husband could catch me and say, "oh kind, why are you crying?"  Thankfully no one saw ... if they had, I would have really lost it when they asked what was wrong.

This week had already been a bottle of emotions for me.  The day before was Patton's birthday and he turned 3.  3.  My sweet, charming little boy that I had dreamed of since a little girl was now this little man child.  He woke up wanting to go tee tee in the potty and the words coming from his precious mouth seemed so much more clear.  He also decided he didn't need help getting his shoes on.  Who cares that they were 3 sizes too big, he did it on his own and was ever so proud.

This week was stock show week, which has so many memories and emotions already for me, and our kids aren't even officially show age yet.

You see, 6 years ago that week I took a test in the high school bathroom, and against all odds it came out positive.  6 years ago I heard Kirby's little, barely there heartbeat for the first time.  6 years ago I brought my husband a hamburger to the pig barn parking lot with a pacifier in it and watched as he looked at it in complete confusion.  6 years ago we laughed until we cried and then praised God together right there in that very spot.  A time I will forever have burned in my heart.  God is such a gracious God!

4 years ago I was in pain, deep pain in my heart as I sat in the waiting room to get blood work done after a miscarriage.  I remember CR telling me I should just stay home from the show that year but all I wanted to do was take Kirby there to have memories and get my mind off of what had happened.  I knew God had a plan, but was still sad.  God is such a comforting God as I was able to laugh and snuggle my precious Kirby as she looked on in awe at the pig show.

3 years ago I was sitting in a hospital bed with sweet Patton, nursing him and waiting for the pig show to end so that daddy could come pick us up.  I was freezing cold but remember having the warmest heart as I held a sweet, newborn boy.  A boy.  A boy I had prayed for since I could remember.  God is such a sovereign God.

1 year ago I had been oh so sick, and freezing cold as I went to hear Bowen's heartbeat for the very first time and see the perfectly shaped beginnings of a baby.  It was all a secret still so I swallowed my nassau and marched up to the pig show to see my precious Kirby playing with all her buddies she had made that morning while hanging out with Daddy.  God is such a gracious God.

Now do you see why the tears just came?  Didn't take much, but there they were.  Grace - God giving us what we don't even deserve.  When I see my 3 precious kids, I am reminded of God's grace.  I do not deserve these kids one bit, but oh how I am thankful.  And oh how I am sorry for the times I wish time would speed up to get us through a rough patch.  But with those rough patches come so many memories, growth, and love.  We are in the trenches, mommas, but hang tight, this one will be over soon as a different one begins.  There will be tears, but there will also be laughter, oh sweet laughter.  That innocent sound of a child's giggle .... grace.

{Can't they stay like this and want to play American Girl Doll and craft time forever?}

As I watched Kirby prance around following Chase the pig, I couldn't help but chuckle.  The bounce and pep in her step is just like her momma's, but the determination and drive in her eyes is from her daddy.  The grin from ear to ear is her momma's, but the stubborn flick of the wrist as she shows her pig is straight from the male gene.  What a combo she is!

 This grin is as good as it gets.  She was so happy and had the best time.  What made her day even more than getting to show a pig?  The fact that she had rows of people cheering her on.  Kirby sure is blessed to have such amazing friends and family in her life.  Friends that had been up at the barn all day, but stuck around to see her show 2 hours later.  Friends that came out of there way to come, even just to watch her go in the ring for 3 minutes.  She may not truly realize what it meant that night, but CR and I do, and we will make sure she knows as she grows up.  Kirby, if you are reading this years later --- YOU ARE LOVED.  By many.  

The morning after the stock show was a rough one, and I was feeling ever defeated.  Kirby decided she suddenly didn't know how to put on her own socks and shoes, and Patton refused to use the potty again.  This after the pediatrician made me feel guilty that I had him in a diaper at his 3 year check up.  CR was on the road 300 miles away to get some cattle for my daddy, and I just needed to cry.  So I did, and then I reminisced about the day before and my epiphany during the show.  Thank you, Lord, for humbling me just in time.  And like I told the man at HEB today who told me I was a pro since Bowen was my third ... "Ya, until they show me I'm not!"

These are the kinds of pictures I get when I let him out of the farm and in to town.  He goes and buys a fast food cap.  I can't even handle the amount of redneckness in this picture.

This kid right here ... he is the God given reason I have been able to breathe and slow down.  I know that sounds completely backwards ... how in the world could adding another child allow you to slow down.  He has made me.  He eats slow ... like would take him an hour to nurse slow.  He burps slow.  Nothing he does is fast.  Thank you, Bowen, for slowing me down.  And thank you, Lord for giving me him to remind me to slow down.  From the get go I had to slow down with him ... even before he was born.  God's grace in a carseat.

 "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 

 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

2 Corinthians 12:8-9

Roadtrips

I remember wayyyy back, many moons ago, when CR and I got engaged my sister in law was telling me about a recent road trip her and her husband had taken.  She said something along the lines of, "I just love it because we can talk for hours when we are in the car like that."  I remember getting kind of queasy at the thought of riding for 5 hours with just one person and having to talk the entire time.  I mean, what in the world would you talk about.  Little did I know this would soon become my absolute favorite thing to do with my husband.  Oh how you grow over the years.

Even before we had kids, this roadtripin' gig was our thing.  I guess when you live this far away from everything, you learn to appreciate the time on the road.  It's either that or be a hermit and although we love our home and being home, sometimes you just have to go.  Experience.  Build relationship, character, and horizon.

Our latest adventure was one of my favorites.  Back in March of last year we got a puppy.  Yes, while I was on bed rest we decided, "Hey, why don't we add more crazy to our train?"  Our last dog had either gotten stolen or run away, and we just don't seem complete without one here on the farm.  Just like the others, CR wanted this dog to primarily hunt with.  So we found a way to make that happen.  Since CR has no extra time on his hands, we sent Duke away to be trained by a guy up in Austin.  This past weekend it was time to pick him up.  We also needed to go over to Bedias to help move some of my daddy's equipment south (that adventure will soon be a reveal on its own post!).  Knowing we needed to do both, we decided to make it work in the same trip.  And since we were only an hour out of the way from Waco, I put in my request to go visit Magnolia Market at the Silos.  Oh, and hey, I just so happened to finally find a set of chairs I like for our table on Craigslist and they are in Austin.  How perfect is that?

So Friday morning after Kirby was in school and Patton was playing with Granny and Daddy Ray, we loaded up our baby gear and Bowen, and set off for Austin.  We visited the outlet mall in San Marcos on the way up to burn a little time since we couldn't get the chairs until that evening.  CR had great luck there, but then broke his favorite pair of sunglasses while being a goof ball trying on jackets.  He pretty much wanted to end the trip there and go sit in the living room to cry in his big ugly green chair.

Thankfully Cabala's came to the rescue and he found a new pair just like his for a steal of a price.  Happy now, we were able to move on up the map.

Chair time in Austin.  Craigslist and Blue Bloods marathon watchers do not match.  In my heart I knew all was ok; I had talked to the lister and he seemed to be a kid in college or possibly fresh out.  Ritzy part of Downtown Austin.  We are all good.  Prayed about it ... it's fine.  As we are approaching time to meet, all kinds of scenarios go through our heads, and then a text from mom that mentions, "You know, scary things can happen from Craigslist posts."  Yes mom, got it.  And at that we had to park in their parking garage!  Ha.  Out comes the cutest little college kid that barely could shave to meet us.  Thank you Lord.  Up I sent my pistol packing, burly bearded hubby to end my three year long search for the perfect chairs.  Five minutes later (which seemed like eternity- yes I was ready for CR to jump in so we could haul out as fast as possible if needed) out came 2, innocent as newborn babies,  teens carrying chairs with my hubby close behind.  Loaded in the bed of the truck, between the dog kennel and diesel tank, ratchet strapped down, my beautiful chairs were finally safe and sound.

The next morning CR got up early to meet the trainer.  Thankfully Bowen slept like a champ and was still sleeping while I waited for CR to return, so I finally got some awake time just to myself.  I had some deep quiet time and prayer with the Lord, wasted time gleefully on Pinterest, and thought about how much I missed my other 2 back home on the farm.  Ha, why is it all you want is a little peace and quite, and then when you get it all you can think about is the craziness that you wanted some time away from?

The dog training took a little bit longer than I had planned out in our day, so when he got back I told CR that we didn't have to go to Waco, we really didn't have time.  My bearded babe looked at me and said, "Darlin', we are making time for that.  We are going to Waco."  Blush.  If you insist.  The "Darlin'" gets me every time.

An hour later we made it to the Silos and oh how my heart leaped.  It was not necessarily for the goodies that I knew awaited in the market, but the experience.  I really, really, really love Chip and Jo (just like everyone else).  But I feel like their relationship is almost a spitting image of ours.  From the first time I watched the show, I thought that Chip reminded me of CR.  Now, on almost every episode, he does something that CR has actually done and Jo's response is word for word mine.  Family, how many times have you heard me say, "Don't laugh it only encourages that behavior?"  Ha,  I love it.  And I love their testimony.  And I love Jo's journey - how she had a great business going but then heard the Lord calling her to pause to be with the kids, and then came back when it was time.  So much an inspiration to me and my journey with trying to balance photography but feeling called to stop or pause for a season of life.

The Market was busy, but fun.  We were cold, and with Bowen in my arms we didn't take time to do the outside adventures.  I definitely want to go back with the whole family, but possibly during the middle of the week so maybe not as crowded.  Don't worry, we didn't make that trip and leave empty handed.  ;)

We loaded back up and headed South East to Bedias.  GPS suggested a route I had never taken before (you know, being a former Baylor Bear I made the trip from Waco to College Station very often so I could drive highway 6 with my eyes closed).  We decided to take the suggested route and I am so glad we did.  My breath was literally taken away.  Not sure if you have ever been through the mine areas of Groesbeck, almost to Buffalo, but if you have not you need to add it to your bucket list of Texas.  I could not stop looking at it and just thanking God for his magnificent creation.  Wow.

Finally we made it to Bedias, slopped through the mud and this cowgirl had to drive out the truck and trailer through some mucky, sloppy, mess.  CR took the tractor to the road where I met him and on we loaded it.  And some implements.  I did not get a picture, but we for sure looked like the modern day Clampits.  Let me remind you ... the bed of the truck had the dog kennel, 4 chairs, a stroller and CR's beautiful diesel tank.  Attached to said truck was a long utility trailer with a giant tractor, post hole digger, bucket and of course, yes I forgot the best part .... a stove top and oven range.  Yes, you may pause while you wipe your tears from laughter.  Thank you Lord for keeping me humble.

After 3 stops to attempt to get air for the tires, we were finally South bound.  Thankfully Bowen and Duke traveled well and we made it safely home about 10:00.

I am so thankful for those 36 hours away.  We covered many miles and we had some great conversations.  I was reminded of how gracious our God is as we talked about our past year.  I was reminded how thankful I am for CR and his job.  I was reminded how often I take for granted so many things, and feel entitled to do so.  Thank you Lord for bringing that weekend to us right when we needed it.  Thank you for the message the following morning in Sunday school to bring that weekend to a close in such a perfect way.  It all tied together so perfectly.  And all right before a busy week where CR is off graciously helping so many families at the stock show with their pigs.  I needed that refreshment and time with him before this week.  I love how God knows that and orchestrated everything to work out so well.  I am thankful for in-laws who volunteer to help with the kids in order for that to happen.  I am thankful my kids can be right up the road from their home and enjoy life on the farm and the experiences it brings, even when we are away.

I take so much for granted, yet as I write this I am thankful and humbled by what the Lord has done and is doing in our lives.  It all goes way too quickly.  I mean, Bowen is already 5 months today and tomorrow Patton turns 3.

Be present.  Be fully there, wherever you are.  Take the time to embrace the crazy and fun.  Ride a tractor that is only meant for 1-3 year olds when you are 33 and you have to wiggle to get your hips out of it.  Dance in the rain so it gets your kids from being scared of it.  Run and jump into your husbands arms to the tune of "I had the time of my life" to bring laughter to a room filled with your favorite people.  Just be, and love every second of it.

Run as fast as you can to pick up rocks, rocks that looks just like all the other rocks you have in your collection, but from a different place.  Just do it - you will be amazed at the freedom your soul feels.

Birthday Dinner at the DQ

This year my birthday landed on a Wednesday, which for me is Women's Bible study night.  If I can help, I do not miss.  That is such a refreshing time for this momma ... not only for the word to get poured into me, but also the fellowship, prayers, and encouragement of other women.    The accountability and the friendships - oh my soul, the friendships- I just don't like to miss.  So when dad asked if he could take us all out for dinner for my birthday while he was in town, I told him it would have to wait until Thursday.  Thursday, though, was Kirby's school Christmas program so I told him we would have to go somewhere in Bishop ... let's just do the local Mexican taqueria (which for those of you who know me, know there probably wasn't a thing there I would eat).  My husband and mother both actually said that and my response was, "It's not about the food, it's about the company."

About an hour before Kirby's program, we all load up and head to Bishop.  We arrive at an empty parking lot and a dark dining room ... uh oh.  Looks like the family owned restaurant is closed and they are probably back home in Mexico for Christmas.

I shout from the backseat with glee ... "No big deal, let's just go next door to the Dairy Queen!"  I could sense some laughter from the front seat but I was serious.  Again, my heart said, "It's not about the food, its about the company."

In we went, with Patton riding his imaginary horse Cactus and Kirby prancing on her tippy toes; Bowen in his car seat eager for bottle and momma beaming with excitement for the memories to come at the round table full of family eating together to celebrate my 33rd birthday.  Even if it was at Dairy Queen, I would not have changed a second of it for the world.  Except maybe the seconds that Patton was crawling on his hands and knees on the dirty floor under the table ... that I may trade in. We even saw our Fed Ex man taking a break in a booth, and he came over to say hi and wish me a happy birthday.  Small towns ... love it.  Love it so.

If there is a lesson at all from this, Kirby, Patton and Bowen, I want you to learn : "It is not about the food, it is about the company."  Just like it isn't about the clothes or the vehicle or the big house ... it is about the relationships with others and Christ.  That is all.

Excited to see what Christ has in store for this 33rd year of life.

 

I did get a treat the following week ... a kid free dinner with these 2 precious souls!!!  Looking forward to another year older and kookier my girlfrans'.

What I Didn't Know I Needed

 I say this often ... or at least I think it.  I stop and pray, "Thank you Lord for delivering me from what I thought would be a perfect life, and giving more than I could ever even imagine."  Sometimes I shudder and tear up at the thought that if I had not listened to Him, where I would be ... what I would have missed ... or if I would even still be here, alive.  

 I could not ask for more ... and yes, Patton is picking his nose.

 I know I have missed a little while blogging; ok, dad, a lot while ... like over 2 months while.  Sorry. We have been busy living life and trying to stay afloat.  I don't necessarily think it's because we added another blessing to our broad, but because Kirby is now in full time school ... the days, weeks and geeze ... the months just fly by.  

I am going to try {try, try, try} to be more intentional about pictures and stories here.  Not because I want to advertise to the world what we do, but because this is my favorite way to leave memories behind for my kiddos.  This is their journal.  I have personal ones that I make notes, prayers, and scriptures for them, but these posts are for them to look back on in books one day and share with their kiddos.  

So, Kirby, Patton and Bowen ... (ok, you too daddy) this is my promise to attempt to do better about posting more often.  I'd say daily, but I know that's not going to happen.  Let's start with I'm going to try to do better than this past year.  

 Thanksgiving week we got to catch up with all of the Patrick cousins for a few days.  We attempted a photo shoot in the field.  It was extremely windy.  And there is a range of 3 months to 7 years of age here ... I think we did pretty dang "snappy" if you ask me.  

 Typical Kirby.

 A few weeks before, I had seen an outfit on a mannequin at Target that stopped me in my tracks.  As a mother of a girl I have tried really hard not to go crazy with spending money right and left to dress her to the nines.  When we first had her I told myself not to, because I could see it consuming me and then that would be passed on to her.  But every once in awhile I like to treat her and well, me.  Well, this outfit just brought me to tears .... it was so precious and I could see my Kirby girl just being so excited about it.  This is not the outfit ... I thought about it for a day and went back to get it and they were sold out of anything even remotely close to her size.  But, saw this and said, "this is fun too."  Her and AK love to match at church, so I splurged and got her one too.  What else to do then, but have a dance party and photo shoot in the back yard?  When they were 2 they were in Tippi Toes together, so this was fun to try to recreate some of their moves from 3 years ago!

 December 17th was Kirby's Christmas program at school.  She was "An angel way up high ... but not flying, just on the top row."  

 I always feel like black and white shows more emotion, and this photo was the perfect depiction of our sweet child.  Right now, everything is "so precious I think I'm gonna cry" to her.  

 The Christmas party at school was quite fun too ...

 I cracked up watching her play musical chairs ... she is a whipper snapper just like her daddy when it comes to competitions.  

Gosh, my heart wells up with joy as I think about how I have been blessed.  WE.  CR and I can not express in words how thankful we are to God each day for our challenges (and oh boy are there many- but with those come growth), our gifts, our life .... it is nothing like I ever imagined.  It is so much better.  

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."  

James 1:17