Father Abraham

had many sons, and many sons had father Abraham.  But before that, his wife was barren.  But then just in the very next chapter, "The LORD visited Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did to Sarah as he had promised. And Sarah conceived and bore Abraham a son in his old age at the time of which God had spoken to him. Abraham called the name of his son who was born to him, whom Sarah bore him, Isaac. "  Genesis 21:21-3  

AND THEN in the very next chapter, he is asked to give that son back to the Lord.  Um, what? "After these things God tested Abraham and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” He said, “Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.” So Abraham rose early in the morning, saddled his donkey, and took two of his young men with him, and his son Isaac. And he cut the wood for the burnt offering and arose and went to the place of which God had told him."  Genesis 22:1-4

Do you notice anything about Abraham when the Lord asked him to sacrifice his "son, his only son?"  He did.  He rose early and started preparing.  

As I sit here with my favorite cup of decaf coffee in my favorite "Mrs. Kay" mug settled in my hand, and try, try so very hard to put into words everything that is going on in my heart and head, I think, "gosh, he just did."  

There are no circumstances with God.  None.  He puts people in our lives, actions in our day, and things before us for specific reasons.  I see the truth in this the more I desperately, whole hearted-ly seek Him and His will.  Twice last week I heard the story of Abraham.  One was about waiting on God's promise to make him a father of many nations and then being asked to sacrifice his son in a sermon podcast by David Platt.  The other was just about sacrificing Isaac and was in our Sunday School lesson at church.  "I hear you, Lord, Abraham was a pillar of faith and a great example.  Still doesn't answer my dilemma ..."  

Oh but it does dear one.

I love how Abraham did not lash out and question whether it was the voice of God he was hearing or his stupid emotions.  I love how he did not have to call up his closest prayer partners to ask them to pray for this situation he was in.  I love how he heard and he did.  He did not meddle on it for 2 weeks.  He did not try to convince himself otherwise.  "He rose".  He prepared.  He went.  

All.  In.  Faith.

Patton is down for a nap and so is Bowen {air five on that one!}.  I finally had some time today to get into the Word and into my Bible study Armor of God by Priscilla Shirer.  I am doing this study because this is what our women's group is doing this semester at church.  Or is that why I am doing it?  When I first opened the pages I thought, "This will be great ... I have been trying to memorize all the different parts of the armor of God for a long time now, maybe this will help me.  It won't help what I am struggling with right now, but I am sure I can find application of this along the way."  

Oh my dear child.  You have no idea how clueless you really are and how much you belittle what I can do and reveal to you.  

As I concluded day 5 today, I could not wait to get to the computer to write.  I had to.  It was this vicious pull that I kept trying to push down and down, but He kept telling me "you have to ...".

If you read my previous post, you know I have been in deep prayer about something in my life.  Some of you know because I called you desperately asking for prayer along side me.  Some of you may have a good guess because, well, I am not always the most private person.  And others are clueless which is what I wanted.  Haha.

However, the more I put off sharing, the more I feel like I am questioning the Lord when I know I hear him loud and clear.  Clearer than ever before.  The more I say, "well, maybe its not the time to make the decision,"  the more I feel like I am putting Him off.  And that is not what I want.  It is just scary.  Change is scary.

But, my dearest Lauren, you know, full well know, that "all things work together for good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28 {Side note .... this was a verse that was preached on Sunday .... HELLO!!!}

So, here it goes ... oh gosh I may go vomit ....

I am stepping away from professional photography.  

My fingers just. went. numb.  

This is a calling that I hear ever so clearly.  The Lord tried to reveal it to me way back when I found out I was pregnant, and I didn't slow down.  Then I was put on bed rest .... didn't slow down.  Then I had early, early strong contractions; still didn't slow down.  Then I had Bowen .... my saving grace on Earth.  Slowwwww down.

As I was fighting writing this post I hopped up and started folding the laundry piled up on our dining room table (don't judge - I have a newborn).  Then I heard His still, ever so gentle voice again.

Lauren, I gave you an extra year with Kirby and you took it .... now, what are you going to do with it?

"Ok, ok, I hear you.  Loud and clear."

Now, what does this all mean?  That is not clear ... but neither was it clear to Abraham what the replacement sacrifice was going to be.  I just know with all my heart this is our next season.  If I am disobedient and continue to put off what He is so clearly revealing to me, then what will we miss out on?  What blessing will I miss in the midst of continuing what I am doing if it is out of His will?  

I will of course take care of the clients I already have on the calendar for 2016.  And believe me, during all this going back and forth there have been plenty of opportunities for me to take part of some amazing things with my business in the next year .... the schemes of Satan are no joke ladies and gents.  But I can't - that is the only clear word in all this.  

The last 4 years I have been home, but I have not been present.  I have been here, but not really here.  I feel like I have missed so much right under my nose.  As I talked this over with my husband, I just fought back the tears as I whispered through the knot in my throat thinking of all the opportunities I passed up, "I just want to be a mom."  

Last week I was signed up to be a chaperon and driver for a school field trip to the pumpkin patch with Kirby.  It got rained out.  I cried.  Hard ... wept like a baby in my bathroom so she would not see.  Last year if this had been the case, I would not have signed up because that would have been a great day to knock out editing a session or designing an album.  Or catching up on house work because the day before I neglected everything, including my husband, to work on Route One.  Or I would have gone but my mind would have been elsewhere.

I feel like when you are a work from home, stay at home mom, you are always working.  You can constantly be doing something to better your business.  Or to catch up.  Or to stay on top of.  And at what cost?  

The scariest part in all of this, is trusting that we will make it financially.  I know we will.  I full well know we will.  It will mean sacrifices, and ones we won't want to take, but being obedient to the Lord is just that in a nutshell.  Faith. Full out, no holding back, Abraham like faith.  Mustard seeds.  

 The other night after (I thought) Kirby had finished her pizza she comes up to CR and I with her sliver of pizza on her wrist (like a watch) and says, "Your time is in My hands." Oh my how it sooooo is my dear, precious spunky girl.

 Pirate day.

 Nerd day.

Bowen finally got to meet his great grandma.  We surprised her, and her smile was literally from ear to ear.

My new motto, which is not so new but what I am finally trying to live out ....

Organic, Gluten Free Life ....

It's 80 degrees this morning in South Texas, and rightfully so I have my windows open and pumpkin banana chocolate chip muffins baking in the oven.  What South Texan in their right mind wouldn't?  I mean, this is fall.  North Texas is probably in scarves and knee boots, so we are just sticking with the seasons here.  

I love this moment in our life.  Gosh, I don't want it to change.  So much so that it might not.  I don't know.  I know that I love having the time to breathe.  I love having the time to take the time.  I love not having knots in my stomach about hurrying.  I love being able to sit and take in my baby's coos, smiles and groans.  I love being able to stop to play cows with my son on the couch and to feed him his hay.  I love being able to take my daughter and classmates to their field trip at the pumpkin patch next week.  Sigh .... 

You are probably wondering "what the heck" about this post title.  It has nothing to do with eating and everything to do with what I crave for our lifestyle.  I want our life here to be natural ... no artificial ingredients ... just what God made us to be and have.  I want to remove anything that causes unnecessary turmoil, stress, and strife.  I want to separate us from what has gotten us off and out of focus of what really matters.  I am not sure just what that looks like yet, but just like when you are trying to find out what it is that you are eating that upsets your stomach, I am slowly taking away or adding where necessary.  

Discernment: the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure.  "Oh, ok  ... that is clear as mud."  Obscure: keep from being seen; conceal.

So, to be able to discern is to be able to comprehend that which is concealed.  Where do you find the ability to do that?  If it is concealed, how can I get it?  

The Bible.  

   "In its simplest definition, discernment is nothing more than the ability to decide between truth and error, right and wrong. Discernment is the process of making careful distinctions in our thinking about truth. In other words, the ability to think with discernment is synonymous with an ability to think biblically.  First Thessalonians 5:21-22 teaches that it is the responsibility of every Christian to be discerning: "But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every form of evil." The apostle John issues a similar warning when he says, "Do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world" (1 John 4:1). According to the New Testament, discernment is not optional for the believer-it is required."  John MacArthur  

So that is where I am right now ... discerning.  Just picture me, sitting here discerning.  What does that look like?  Praying day in and day out.  Talking with the Lord, and at times it may even sound like I am arguing with Him because of what I think He is telling me, and then I hear something completely different from Him so I question out loud.  I think the flies are getting good laughs from being on my walls.   I know I am not alone in this journey.  I know this because I have friends that I am praying along side with for the very things I am praying for.  

One thing I know for sure, God will not send me somewhere (or to do something) that He has not already, full heartedly prepared me for.  I can rest assured in that and know, full well know that whatever conclusion I come to (or I guess I should say we because my hubby and I, we are in this game together) He will walk beside me the whole way.  Maybe even have to give me a piggy back ride here and there.

"he makes me lie down in green pastures. 

He leads me beside still waters; 

He leads me in paths of righteousness 

for his name’s sake. 

I fear no evil; 

for thou art with me; 

thy rod and thy staff, 

they comfort me."

         Psalm 23:2-4

 Obviously not my kids but how fitting???

High Cotton

The other morning as I walked CR's coffee out to his truck after he put the kids in to take them to school, I told him about a vision I once had as a teenager.  You know, the ones where you plan out what your future looks like?  Well, I told him, "I pictured this moment, where I was walking out coffee to my husband, in my robe and picking up the paper and placing it under one arm.  But, I was not standing in rubber boots and a gravel driveway, I was in house shoes and standing on a slanted driveway in a neighborhood.  But you know what, this .... this is so much better and so much  more than I would have ever imagined."

 I wish I could guarantee a cotton crop every year.  If I could, then I would save all my shoots for the cotton field.  I love it.  Soft, pure, carefree ... Thank you Lord for the rain this year so that we could actually make cotton for the world to be clothed ;)

 We had a visit from the cousins at the perfect time for an impromptu play date in the cotton.  

 Future farmers of Bishop right there ... right Rob?

 What girls photo shoot would be complete if they didn't have their crowns on.  They were a must.  And the boots.

 The best we could get and I LOVE IT..  So perfect for each of their personalities.  

And, can you believe this kid turned 2 months on Monday?

I can not.  The days go by so very quickly.  The nights were long for awhile there but they get better each day.  Last night he went 9 hours between feedings so this momma can not complain one bit.  Now, if he could just have a conversation with sister and brudder, and they could all get on the same game plan that would be great.  

Today at the doctor he weighed in at a whooping 10 lbs 14 oz.  That is almost 5 lbs more than when we left the hospital!  Whoop whoop.  Thank you Lord for helping us overcome all of our eating issues at the beginning of this journey.  Thank you for giving me grace to pass along to this sweet soul.  Thank you for blessing me with the opportunity to stay home to get it all worked out each day.  I love how you love, even when we don't have the foresight to see it on 2 hours of sleep here and there.  You are so very gracious. 

"And he said to them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest." Luke 10:2

Lord, my prayer is that we are helping develop laborers for you ... oh Lord, may they be fishers of men.   

Welcome to the World

Bowen Bass Patrick .... you are loved.

When you have a C-section, the worst part about it in my opinion is that you miss so much of what goes on.  After they whisk the baby away, they still have to put all your innards back in their place, stitch you up, and then haul you down to recovery for about an hour.  I started thinking (which is always dangerous) I wonder if I could get someone to capture all of that for me ... I really want to see Patton and Kirby's faces when they are surprised with a baby brother or sister.  I want to see this new child getting their first bath.  I want to the reactions of my family when they hear the name.  I don't want to miss anything.  After such a wonderful experience in January with Michelle of Pinkle Toes, I knew she was the girl for the job if she felt like it would work.  She agreed but we both thought it would be a LONG shot for all the pieces to fall right into place.  She lives in Austin so the timing we just didn't think would pan out.  With my touch and go pregnancy of contractions starting so early on, I just wasn't sure when to tell her to be here.  We communicated after each doctor's appointment to keep her up to date and would you believe ..... it worked.  She is amazing.   By FAR, this is the best investment I have ever made.  

 Another amazing thing about God's timing .... CR's grandmother had a heart appointment on the first floor of the hospital and was able to come up and see Bowen just minutes after he was born.  And I would have missed that ....

 I love how (3rd picture down) Kirby and Granny have the same reaction going on.

 Preacher just so happened to be at the hospital, too.  Bowen, you sure know how to draw a crowd already.

 Daddy's hands are soft and gentle ...

 Patton was not really sure what to think.  He kept pointing to the white clamp on his umbilical cord saying "He doesn't like his cheese."  I think he thought it was string cheese.

 I don't know if, aside from my sister and I, my father has ever held a baby so new.  Priceless moment for me.

 This may be my favorite picture of the whole lot.  My father-in-law is an amazing grandfather.  He is a gentle soul and I feel like this captures that so well.

 Can you tell someone was tuckered out?

We had no idea if you were going to be a Bowen Bass or a Corbin Ruth, but the moment CR stood up when they said, "look daddy" I knew you were a Bowen.  The look of relief on your daddy's eyes said it all.  You have already captured our hearts and your big sister and brudder are in awe.  Hang on tight, bud, this is a wonderful, crazy ride you have joined and we could not be more blessed.

"Beautiful are the feet that bring good news."  Isaiah 52:7