Welcome to the World

Bowen Bass Patrick .... you are loved.

When you have a C-section, the worst part about it in my opinion is that you miss so much of what goes on.  After they whisk the baby away, they still have to put all your innards back in their place, stitch you up, and then haul you down to recovery for about an hour.  I started thinking (which is always dangerous) I wonder if I could get someone to capture all of that for me ... I really want to see Patton and Kirby's faces when they are surprised with a baby brother or sister.  I want to see this new child getting their first bath.  I want to the reactions of my family when they hear the name.  I don't want to miss anything.  After such a wonderful experience in January with Michelle of Pinkle Toes, I knew she was the girl for the job if she felt like it would work.  She agreed but we both thought it would be a LONG shot for all the pieces to fall right into place.  She lives in Austin so the timing we just didn't think would pan out.  With my touch and go pregnancy of contractions starting so early on, I just wasn't sure when to tell her to be here.  We communicated after each doctor's appointment to keep her up to date and would you believe ..... it worked.  She is amazing.   By FAR, this is the best investment I have ever made.  

 Another amazing thing about God's timing .... CR's grandmother had a heart appointment on the first floor of the hospital and was able to come up and see Bowen just minutes after he was born.  And I would have missed that ....

 I love how (3rd picture down) Kirby and Granny have the same reaction going on.

 Preacher just so happened to be at the hospital, too.  Bowen, you sure know how to draw a crowd already.

 Daddy's hands are soft and gentle ...

 Patton was not really sure what to think.  He kept pointing to the white clamp on his umbilical cord saying "He doesn't like his cheese."  I think he thought it was string cheese.

 I don't know if, aside from my sister and I, my father has ever held a baby so new.  Priceless moment for me.

 This may be my favorite picture of the whole lot.  My father-in-law is an amazing grandfather.  He is a gentle soul and I feel like this captures that so well.

 Can you tell someone was tuckered out?

We had no idea if you were going to be a Bowen Bass or a Corbin Ruth, but the moment CR stood up when they said, "look daddy" I knew you were a Bowen.  The look of relief on your daddy's eyes said it all.  You have already captured our hearts and your big sister and brudder are in awe.  Hang on tight, bud, this is a wonderful, crazy ride you have joined and we could not be more blessed.

"Beautiful are the feet that bring good news."  Isaiah 52:7

My very favorite person on the universe

has a birthday today.  Words can not describe how much this man means to me.  He knew from day 1, 5 seconds in that we would be together for ever and ever; I didn't but I am so thankful he never gave up.

I have learned so much from this man ... from his daily "bits of useless information" to never ending, selfless love.

He is the best daddy and you can see it in our daughter's eyes ....

CR is the hardest worker I have ever met.  Not only for our family, but for many others as well.  When he commits to "help" in anyway, he gives it 110%.  I am never afraid where he leads us, because I know he always has our best interest with God first in his mind.  

This song has always been one of my favorites, and I was recently reminded how much I loved it when our photographer used it in our video of Bowen's birth (ya ya, I know ... that will come soon).  I find it super cool that someone else saw this song in our marriage and our life.

"To Make You Feel My Love"

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rollin' sea
Down on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
But you ain't seen nothing like me yet

There's nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends of the earth for you

Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love

Each verse I see a distinct time in our life already and that is why it is so dear to me.  Cecil Ray, you are the most perfect husband that I never dreamed of ... you are so much better than my silly ol' dreams could come up with.  

Happy 33rd birthday best friend; there is no one in this universe I would rather be getting old and crazy with!

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it."

Ephesians 5:25

Your Worth

When you are pregnat and married to a farmer/rancher, by the third baby you are used to hearing things such as, "She is starting to strut" or "My wife will be springing about then so I can't make it" and "So doc, that's like when a cow (fill in the blank with any gestational term here)?"  You see, female humans and female cattle are similar in their anatomy and gestational periods.  CR is very knowledgeable about everything pregnancy now because of this ... he could probably almost be an obgyn.  You just get used to him picking up a lady parts diagram in the office, turning it upside down and going "oh, I see now how that works .... are these uteran horns?"

Thank goodness we are not just like cows.  For one, I am thankful that my afterbirth doesn't hang around for awhile afterwards.  I am thankful I nor any other animal eats it, too.  I am even more thankful that just because a calf doesn't latch well, that I get the truck.  You see, for those of you not familiar with raising cattle, if a momma has a bad teet or can't nurse well, she gone.

In comes Bowen and my journey thus far.  As soon as the nurse handed him to me in the hostpital you could tell he was starving.  It had been a little over 2 hours since I had him before I got to hold him, so he was looking hard for the goods.  He latched on right away very well ... so we all thought.
It looked good.  It felt like it had in the past.  By the 2nd night, he had lost quiet a bit of weight and they were concerned about dehydration so they had me nursing him every 2 hours and supplementing a little bit.  The next evening he had lost some more.  The lactation consultant came by, watched him latch and said it all looked good but may want to have him looked at for tongue tie.

I put that suggestion by the wayside because it didn't look to me like he was tongue tied and by day 5 he had gained back 3 ounces.  Fast forward to him being 9 days old and I cried everytime he nursed.  It hurt so bad, I was raw, and it was taking over an hour and he still never seemed done.  Not only did I cry because it hurt but because I so desperately wanted him to nurse.  I began to listen to Satans lies telling me I was a worthless mom if I couldn't even nurse my own child.  I kept being reminded that this was the last go, so I had to fight through and make it work.  I began to put my value as a mom in being able to nurse my youngin.  That is not where Christ wanted my heart at all.  It was not until a friend snapped me out of it and reminded me that "nursing or not, that holds no worth in what kind of mother you are."  Thank you for my sweet sisters in Christ who always get my mind and heart back on the right track.

I started researching what causes chapped and achyness and out came tongue tie as the first response.  The more I read on it, the more I knew "yes, this is exactly what is going on."  I immediately called the number of the doctor that the lactation consultant gave me and was able to get in the very next day.  Sure enough, he had 4 areas that were tied - there are technical terms but lets just go with under the tongue, both sides of his mouth, and his upper lip.  They were able to use a laser and take care of them right there in the office.  Praise the Lord we found it and took care of it early.


A week and a half later we still are having some struggles nursing because he is having to retrain his tongue.  Some sessions are great; others are not.  BUT, I do not get depressed about it anymore because I know my worth is not there.  My value and worth are in Christ and He has given me this sweet angel to take care of on earth.  He trusts that I will do all I can and my best to ensure he is safe.  Some times I pump and bottle to save us both the struggle.  Some times I sit and say lets work this out.  Either way, I know that Bowen is getting nutrition and I am feeding my soul with God's word and not Satan's lies.

So, to other momma's out there that struggle in some way with this, quit looking at those mommas that are rockstar nursers.  If you have to pump, give formula, or hang from the monkey bars to feed your baby THAT IS OK.  It does not make you less of a mom or a human being.  And, thankfully, it does not mean you get the truck and end up on someones dinner plate!

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth." Psalm 139:13-15

1st Days ....

Where did June, July and now almost all of August go?  Here it was, end of May and I was doing all I could to keep baby #3 in utero and get Kirby all set for her new school year, and now she has had 2 days of school and baby #3 made their debut 11 days ago.  What?

This year Kirby is going to the same school that CR and Katherine went to as youngins'.   Every year on the first day of school, Ray would take their picture in this same exact spot ... so we thought we would carry on the tradition.  Don't you love Kirby's model status?

Kirby made herself right at home.  I am so excited about this year and feel so much peace about holding her out another year for kinder.  Yes, she is wipper snapper and people think she will be bored, but it isn't up to them!  I observed the class and feel confident that not only will she gain skills, but she will also gain foundational phonemic awareness that she currently lacks.  Kirby will not be bored - she has a tendency to find things to keep her occupied and her mind going all on her own.  

Now, for those of you that may have missed it, Bowen Bass Patrick made his debut on August 12th at 12:30 pm.  I had a great photographer/friend that did all she could to come to the hospital to be there to take pictures of it all (not quite birth photography since I had a C-section) but she was able to capture all of the stuff that I usually miss while getting stitched up and hanging out in recovery.  Once I get those pictures, I will do an entire birth post for him.  

However, here are a few newborn pictures that I captured of him the other day.

He is already definitely a "third child".  Last week he fell asleep in my arms as I was chasing down Patton to swat him after he hit sissy.  Way to go Bowen, way to go.  

The kids (as of now) are head over heels in love with him.  It has been quite interesting with our sleep lately .... basically at some point in the night, all 3 are in bed with us at the same time.  Ahhhh, please tell me that toddler sleeping gets better as they get older ....

 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."  Ephesians 2:10

The Lord Knows

what we need to hear and our hearts.  This truth always touches my soul deep down to the core.  From time to time I am asked, "How do you hear God speak to you?  What do you mean you know that this is the Lord telling you this?"  He speaks to us in many ways (His word, music, other believers ... there is a good article on it here if you want to go into scriptural detail about each).  But, for me, the most often way I hear his voice is through scripture ... His living and breathing word.  You may say, "I pick up and read my Bible and I don't hear him talking back."  Well, here is an example that blew me away the other day and brought me to my knees with thanksgiving of this precious gift.

Thursday morning I. was. utterly.  exhausted.  By 9 am when I sat down to write out in my prayer journal and soak in some quiet time, I was not sure I had it in me to stay awake to write or read a single word.  That morning had been rough.  Well, the night before was what was tough, which made me impatient and quick to anger, which led to feistier than usual children.  If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time, you know that Kirby has had night waking issues since she was 2.  We praised the Lord when Patton turned 2 and still continued to sleep through the night.  Dun dun dun ... que the scary music ... a few weeks ago Kirby insisted that her and Patton start sleeping in the same room.  She said she would sleep all night long in there, because she "had to make sure Patton was staying in his bed."  Wishful thinking on our parts.  It started out ok - we set up his bunk beds where they were side by side instead of stacked.  She was so thrilled to the bone to be in there.  CR read them their Zane Grey (insert chuckles here) cowboy stories that have always put Kirby to sleep, but Patton was just too excited about having big sister there.  It ended up taking longer each night to get them to bed, but it was just something we thought would take time to adjust.  After a week or so Kirby decided that whole routine was annoying and Patton bothered her, so back to her room she wanted to go.  Fair enough.  We gave it a shot.  The only problem was that now Patton was used to someone being in the room with him.  GRRRR.  Shoot us in the dang foot.  Again.  This whole parent thing is so much trial and error ... don't start what you don't want to continue ... blah blah blah.  So, now did we not only have Kirby waking up at some point in the night to be taken back to bed once or twice or four times, we now had Patton waking up crying at some point of the night wanting someone in his room.  Wednesday night I think I was up 5 times between the 2 of them.

I have also been reading a book called, "Give them Grace: Dazzling your Kids with the Love of Jesus"  which is so very good, but also very eye opening.  Chapter 2 hit me in the gut and I just wanted to throw the book completely away because I felt I am doing it all wrong.  But then I was reminded of God's grace (which is the whole point of the book) so I continue to press on.

So, back to my morning and the point.  Between the reading from the night before and the events of the attempted sleep hours, I was feeling pretty down about my skills in motherhood.    

Before I dive into my Bible, I pray.  Sometimes its quicker than others; I fall short in this area often, but I love to write out my prayers so that I can look back and be reminded of how merciful our God is.  Answered prayers (or even unanswered prayers) are the best reminder of how much He truly loves his children.  So I tiredly wrote out my heart ... crying out for wisdom, patience, answers, direction, and that I would please Lord please not be put in a nut house when #3 gets here.  Speaking of #3, I was filled with doubt on how in the world all this was going to go once they arrived and how could I manage night feedings and having 2 others not sleeping through the night?  A deep, dark sense of fear and anxiety over came me as I prayed - so then I had to pray to capture those negative thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5).  Spiritual warfare at it's finest ladies and gentlemen.

Then I opened my daily devotional Bible and as I began to read, tears filled my eyes.  Thank you merciful Savior.  The title of the devotional that morning was "The Heart of a Mother".  The assignment was to read Genesis 4:1-26 and the words jumped off the page to me, right into my heart.  "Eve said, 'With the help of the Lord I have brought forth a man.'"  Genesis 4:1  The entire devotional and reading was about the first woman ... the first mother on Earth.  She had no idea how to handle pregnancy hormones,  no book to guide her such as "What to Expect when you're Expecting", no idea about labor pains, or much more .... what to do to "sleep train" this new creature or how to "dazzle them with grace".  She was the first mother and all she had was God to guide her through it.  To rely upon Him to grant her the patience, wisdom and natural skill only a mother has.

Sigh.  God knew what I was going to read that morning.  He knew when I prayed and poured my heart out, that He had the answers waiting right there for me on the pages that are his.  How much more comfort did I need than that?  He loves me enough to show me smack in the face.  Thank you precious Lord.

And here is how my Thursday afternoon was blessed ....

With the same precious soul that I get the privilege of snuggling with for an extra hour or so each night. Her new MDO had a pre-k graduation ceremony and she loved every minute of it.  So did I ... tears of joy as I watched her sing, dance, and get cupcake icing all over her white dress.

And the evening ended with making personal pizzas and a huge mess all over the floor.  

I wouldn't trade my sleepless nights and floor cleaning days for anything in the world.  For I have realized that I am right where I need to be with my children ... "And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this."  Esther 4:14b 

 Yes, this is my royal position.  

"In their hearts humans plan their course,

but the LORD establishes their steps."  Proverbs 16:9

This verse has been ever true and present over and over in my life.  However, even more so lately.  In so many aspects.  I have always had the tendency to be a planner.  Like, I am the person that had multiple planners growing up and they were all filled with the same things, but I had to make sure it was written in each one.  And then on post its.  And then sometimes a daily agenda (kind of like a lesson plan for my day).  Weirdo.  But it just made me feel better.  Now I am down to one planner, but I do usually also have it in my phone.  Have to make sure.  BUT, the difference now is that not every moment of everyday has to be filled or taken up.  Thank you Jesus for freeing me from that.  Thank you that I have learned the lesson that its good to have a general plan, but that it does not always go as such.  Especially in our lifestyle as farmer/ranchers and living far, far away.  It just doesn't always happen and that is ok, because God has another purpose for those moments.  Like getting to hear your daughter create a puppet story with the flashlight.  Or your son finding a photo album from his first year and wanting to sit to ask about every single detail on every page.  When you have this released mentality of not having something going all the time, you can breathe in and enjoy the questionable looks and inquisitive eyes.  How else will they learn if you don't share with them?

A few weeks ago this verse burst forth in my heart like an explosion of fireworks on Fourth of July over an island.  My parents had come down for the weekend to talk over and look at some potential things in their life.  When they left CR saw it in my eyes and he said to me, "Don't get anxious just yet."  No, he was not bursting my bubble.  He was subtly reminding me that what we see as good and perfect and over the top it would be great for them, the Lord may see something else.  You see, He knows about tomorrow and next week, month, year .... We don't.  We only see the here and now.  We feel the satisfaction of what something could bring if it were to come to fruition, but we do not know His steps.  We must remember that "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  So no matter what the outcome, we can rest assure that it will work together for the good.  We just have to trust that if our plan isn't his steps.

Many of you have heard me praise and ponder on home school for our children, especially Kirby Rose.  This past year we gave Classical Conversations a trial run.  She was really too young for the program but we wanted to dabble in and see what it was all about before it really "counted" (if that makes sense - all education counts, but you get the idea).  We loved it.  In my head I want home school to work for us, but the Lord has not placed that on my heart that it is certainly what we need to do.  Although that has been my plan for so long in my head, it has been apparent to us this past 6 months that is is not in the Lords steps for us right now.  Maybe down the road, but for now it is a no.  This has been a very hard pill for me to swallow.  I mean, very hard.  Sometimes I still question it, but for this next year I know we are headed in the direction the Lord has for us.  We have decided to hold Kirby and not have her start kindergarten as her birthday would place her.  She is 7 days shy of the cut off.  She is more than ready.  Her mind amazes me some days and her readiness to read makes my heart giddy.  I hope she always has that desire.  However, I am certain I do not want her leaving for college at 17.  I am certain I do not want her in high school as a barely 13 year old freshman with some 18 and 19 year old seniors.  So that settled it for that.  She will be in a great pre-k program I found that works side by side with the kinder class, so in a way she will get some of their instruction.

Another cool way this verse was ever present in my life this past month?  A senior (not her momma but her!!) asked if she could have it on her custom announcements.  Oh how I pray that my kids understand at 18 that it is the Lord who establishes their next steps in life.

 Sometimes we have to have discussions with who is boss ... and the fact that you DO have to wear clothes and a diaper.  

 How we have spent many afternoons lately...jumping in muddy puddles!  They have never seen so many in their life; not sure Patton ever has seen one.  It's been a drought ever since Kirby was old enough to walk!

 So Patton likes to wear sissy's shoes and they pretend to be superheroes ... I promise they do wear clothes.

 see ...

 Not sure this will ever happen again.

 Helping Daddy Ray on the farm.  

 "Hey Patton, show me your smile!"

 New adventure ... trying out the way back seat.

 Singing for grammy.

 Patton finally got a haircut!  Daddy took him to the barber shop he always went to and where his dad still goes.  

 Patton said he didn't like it, can't you tell?

 Still hates car washes.

 But loves helping daddy on the tractor.  

Lord, we thank you for the rain.  We know we complain about it being too dry, then complain when it is too wet.  We would much rather have this then dry land.  Our cattle can't function on dry land.  Forgive us for complaining for we know you have a plan.  

I hope that everyone is doing well.  Hopefully I will be able to post more often now that senior sessions are settling down.  I still have one left that has been rescheduled about 5 times due to weather, but we will get that done!  I am praising the Lord for his provision in every area of our life.  I prayed that I would be able to take off the rest of this year after I finish up these sessions, and he has provided above and beyond for my business for me to do so.  I must listen and obey and be God's child first, my husbands wife second, mom third and everything else after.  Thank you for the continued prayers.  We love you!

XOXO

God's timing

is so sovereign.  I wish I would have "gotten" that truth and promise a long time ago.  But then I would not have half of the growth in faith that I have, so there is the blessing in that.

Yesterday was my check up for baby and to check the placenta.  Originally it was not until next Tuesday but I have this awesome, supercalafragulistic doctor who let me come in a little early to check in.

Praise the Lord the placenta was no where near the cervix.  The baby is perfect.  We had the best sonographer (word?) who showed us every little part of the baby (except the gender of course) to reassure us everything was great.  God is so good.  We apparently made this woman's day.  She said she hadn't laughed so hard in a really long time.  I said, "We have a tendency to leave an impression ... not sure if that is good or bad, but people can't forget this (as I pointed to the beared man in the corner)."  And CR was proud that he could pick out so many parts of the baby and saw the femur (you would have thought he landed on the moon) ... which then got me skeptical and thinking that I think he saw and knows the gender!  I was told to still take it easy.  I am good to shoot again (whooohooo!!!) and travel to my parents this weekend, but to go slow, take breaks, and watch the contractions closely.

I never once doubted the Lord; trusted Him that no matter what, He would receive the glory in this.  And y'all, even from my bed He has been given some hallelujahs!  Just in the past 2 1/2 weeks I have grown so much in the knowledge and grace of God.  Through time to read more and friends who are just blessings ten times over to watching movies with the kids and not being able to get up and do work or get distracted.  We have had meals every single night, care packages, sweet notes and texts, and a great friend even came over and taught me how to make those fun bubbly wreaths.  To say we are blessed is an understatement.  I can not put into words how much all of this meant to not only me, but my family.  Almost every time I told Kirby who made us dinner, she got this sweet little smile on her face and said, "awww, how thoughtful".  I love how my children can see the hands and feet of Christ at work right before their sweet little eyes.

Thank you all for the prayers.  According to my blog statistics page,  y'all are reading our story from all over, and I know you all are praying and loving us along our journey.

Now, the reason God's timing is just ... impeccable.  Today was CR's first full day back in the field.  How cool is that?  Up until now, he has been able to pop here and there, get a kid for awhile, plant some here but then stop because of the water on the ground.  We have been rained out a few times during this process and it just all timed out so well.  My in-laws and CR have been such huge huge huge helpers.  CR went to the grocery store the first week --- I don't ever want to put him through that again.  The next week my mother in law went for me and this week ...y'all, Ray went and got my kiddos all their Easter eggs and candy for their school parties.  Patton got to mow with his Daddy Ray.  Kirby got many hours with her Granny and made so many fun memories.  At first I was really, really concerned how we were going to make it and looking back, I am just amazed at the time we have all gotten to have.  CR had to learn a lot more patience ... and he did such a great job keeping up with the house, the kids, everything.  No one else I would rather be doing this life with!

To think that I once wanted to run completely away from all of this.  FAR FAR AWAY.  Ahhh, I can't imagine my life any other way now.  I am surrounded by people who love, give, care, and put themselves out time and time again.  I love this life and I am forever grateful to God and His incredible mercy upon me and my past.  His timing has always been the key to this life of ours, and this is just another testament to that.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" Psalm 27:14