Thank goodness we are not just like cows. For one, I am thankful that my afterbirth doesn't hang around for awhile afterwards. I am thankful I nor any other animal eats it, too. I am even more thankful that just because a calf doesn't latch well, that I get the truck. You see, for those of you not familiar with raising cattle, if a momma has a bad teet or can't nurse well, she gone.
In comes Bowen and my journey thus far. As soon as the nurse handed him to me in the hostpital you could tell he was starving. It had been a little over 2 hours since I had him before I got to hold him, so he was looking hard for the goods. He latched on right away very well ... so we all thought.
It looked good. It felt like it had in the past. By the 2nd night, he had lost quiet a bit of weight and they were concerned about dehydration so they had me nursing him every 2 hours and supplementing a little bit. The next evening he had lost some more. The lactation consultant came by, watched him latch and said it all looked good but may want to have him looked at for tongue tie.
I put that suggestion by the wayside because it didn't look to me like he was tongue tied and by day 5 he had gained back 3 ounces. Fast forward to him being 9 days old and I cried everytime he nursed. It hurt so bad, I was raw, and it was taking over an hour and he still never seemed done. Not only did I cry because it hurt but because I so desperately wanted him to nurse. I began to listen to Satans lies telling me I was a worthless mom if I couldn't even nurse my own child. I kept being reminded that this was the last go, so I had to fight through and make it work. I began to put my value as a mom in being able to nurse my youngin. That is not where Christ wanted my heart at all. It was not until a friend snapped me out of it and reminded me that "nursing or not, that holds no worth in what kind of mother you are." Thank you for my sweet sisters in Christ who always get my mind and heart back on the right track.
I started researching what causes chapped and achyness and out came tongue tie as the first response. The more I read on it, the more I knew "yes, this is exactly what is going on." I immediately called the number of the doctor that the lactation consultant gave me and was able to get in the very next day. Sure enough, he had 4 areas that were tied - there are technical terms but lets just go with under the tongue, both sides of his mouth, and his upper lip. They were able to use a laser and take care of them right there in the office. Praise the Lord we found it and took care of it early.
A week and a half later we still are having some struggles nursing because he is having to retrain his tongue. Some sessions are great; others are not. BUT, I do not get depressed about it anymore because I know my worth is not there. My value and worth are in Christ and He has given me this sweet angel to take care of on earth. He trusts that I will do all I can and my best to ensure he is safe. Some times I pump and bottle to save us both the struggle. Some times I sit and say lets work this out. Either way, I know that Bowen is getting nutrition and I am feeding my soul with God's word and not Satan's lies.
So, to other momma's out there that struggle in some way with this, quit looking at those mommas that are rockstar nursers. If you have to pump, give formula, or hang from the monkey bars to feed your baby THAT IS OK. It does not make you less of a mom or a human being. And, thankfully, it does not mean you get the truck and end up on someones dinner plate!
"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth." Psalm 139:13-15
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