Today after I had a morning photo shoot, Kirby and I loaded up in the car so I could go sky diving. No, just kidding, but that might as well have been the case. For those of you that do not know, I am terrified, petrified, perplexed, panic-stricken of heights. It's a gift I was blessed with from my daddy. I get tingly inside, start sweating and sweating, and sometimes my fingers go numb just thinking about being in a high situation. Well, today was a great friend of our's 8th birthday party on the USS Lexington in Corpus. We're on our way, the mission of the day, starts when we say bridge! Yes, you have to cross the really, really tall Harbor Bridge to get there. I was ok with this, because I had just done it 2 weeks ago to attend a client meeting in Portland, so I knew I would make it ok. Don't worry, I hold traffic UP when I cross that thing … 30 mph and sweaty knuckles grip the steering wheel like a brand new teenage driver at a drivers test. Kirby kept saying, "Mommy, faster, faster, the boat is going to leave without us." After the third time I replied through my teeth, "No they won't and please don't talk to me while I am driving over this thing." Meanwhile she is giggling her head off, holding her hands in the air saying "whoo hoooo tickles my tummy". Gosh Lauren, suck it up. We make it to the parking lot, I dry my hands off and up the ramp we go to the ginormous boat. It was a wonderful experience for her, and I was very touched at remembering all of the stories my grandpa told me about his Navy days. I got a few tears in my eyes as I tried to retell them to my daughter. She asks me about great-grandpa often, so I try to remember all I can so she at least has his stories to learn from.
This is one of the Navy planes that was on the boat. My grandpa never got to leave the ship I remember him telling me. They went over and were ready to "jump on the beach", but his platoon (not sure if that is the right lingo) was never called. I remember him telling me he was devastated and as grandma listened in, she would shake her head and say. "Well I was not." I can imagine preparing, training and gearing yourself up for so long and then not being able to do as you feel you were called. Tough deal, but so thankful for the stories and lessons he learned and shared with me.
So onto more of this fear of heights … it did not end at the bridge. We had to go up some very steep, steep steps to get up to the top deck. It was basically like a ladder - a long 10' ladder and one that I had not mentally prepared myself to climb, let alone allow my daughter to climb. As Kirby looked back and held her precious little hand out to me and said, "Come on mommy, its our turn," I had no choice but to swallow my throat and pull up my big girl panties. I started to pick her up to figure out just how to climb the ever lovin' steps while holding her, and do you know what this big girl says to me,? "No mommy, I want to do it myself." Gulp again. And guess what? She did it and we both arrived on the top deck safe and sound.
Just a few short minutes later she decides to run ahead and see what everyone else is looking at. To my dismay, the plank. Kirby wants to walk the plank. Of course she does, she doesn't know she is supposed to be deathly afraid of falling 500 feet down into the water. "Come on mommy, commmmmmm onnnn!" So up my big girl panties went again, but we didn't go all the way - just to the start of the plank, showed her what it was and what it was for, then suggested we go chase the seagulls. Thankfully she was easily swayed to that idea and began making "caw caw" sounds in a heartbeat.
I have heard many others say that having children will help you push yourself further than you thought you could ever go. I know this was just the tip of the iceberg, because in the end it isn't about you. It is about them and them discovering, learning, enjoying, breathing, living and loving life. It is about you putting yourself and your doubts aside to help them grow. It is about not being selfish and setting an example of how to be selfless. It is about teaching courage that can only come from Christ. It is about being safe in His arms, no matter how many times you have to swallow your throat. It is about doing things for His glory and not your own accord.
I swear I saw 4 grey hairs on my head this evening after my shower. I named each one of them and thanked the Lord for the memories we stuffed in our cookie jar today.
Oh, and for those of you that have been on the boat, please do not under-mind my fear by sharing "just how tall" the stairs really are … or "just how far away from the water" the plank really is. In my mind, these were the numbers.
Patton hung out with Daddy, Granny, and Daddy Ray today!
"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. " Deuteronomy 31:6
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