Conversations with Kirby

Yesterday while my mini and I were outside playing and cleaning up the porch, she finally asked me about Koda.  I had not set her down to talk to her about what happened yet.  1) I was not ready.  2) I was not sure how to explain everything.  So here was our conversation:

Kirby: Here, let's make this bowl of soup for Koda.  Where is Koda?

Me:  Well, Kirby, let's go sit over on the porch swing.

Kirby: Ok, I will beat you (runs as fast as her 3 year old legs can take her to the swing, then looks at me with those precious baby blues to help her up.)

Me:  Kirby, Koda had an accident while we were gone in Montgomery.

K: Awwww, she's hurt her leg.  I'm Doc I can fix her.  Let's get her some food.  That will help hers feel better.

Me:  Honey, no, Koda got really hurt.  A truck hit her.

K:  hhuuuuuhhhhh….daddy's truck? 

Me:  No baby.  A big truck.  A really big truck we think.  

K:  looks at me with a confused look

Me:  You know Mac on the movie Cars?  We think a truck like that hit Koda.  She got hurt really, really, badly.  She isn't coming back.  She is gone.

K:  huuuuuuuuuhhhh … where'd she go?

Me:  Well, she went to Heaven.

K: huuuuuuhhhh …. who took her there?

Me:  God did.  

K:  huuuuuhhhh … frowny face  With Jesus and Dat?  Awwwww, I miss hers so much.

Me:  Yes Kirby, I miss her too.

K:  Can we go make hers soup now? ……..

This morning a cold front was blowing in and the rain was near.  I read Patton and Kirby Noah's Ark, then I let Kirby read it to Patton and I.  When we were done I walked over to our big glass door and said, "Look Kirby, the rain is about to be here."

Kirby: Rain?  We better go build an ark.

"So God said to Noah, “I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence because of them. I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth.  So make yourself an ark of cypress wood; make rooms in it and coat it with pitch inside and out. "  Genesis 6:13-14

Patton is 10 months …

Well, 10 months and a week now.  One day I will get back to posting on  the day things occur.  Until then, you will just have to enjoy things a little late.  For those of you that talk to me often, pretend you don't already know some things.

At 10 months Patton:

• still weighs around 20 pounds.  Like a girl, he fluctuates between a couple ounces depending on the time of day.  
• Is 29" tall, or short, however you want to look at it.  I think that is tall, but then again my mini is a nugget so I am used to smaller proportions.  
• Wears 9-12 months clothes.  
• Size 4 shoes are still too big on him, so not really into any shoes yet.  I bought him some baby ones that he just takes off.
• Is talking up a storm.  His favorite person to talk to is his sister.  Tonight he was enjoying a very quiet, quaint bath and she decided she wanted to take one with him (hoping this is a trend because 2 in 1 is soooo much easier on us parents!).  As soon as she set foot in the bathroom a babbling a way he went.  Then she giggled at him and started talking back; they must have their own language.
• Finally caught on to wave.  It is hysterical because he won't just wave with his hand, he waves his entire arm up in the air like you are a mile away and need to see him.
• Is.  Always.  Happy.  Every time we go in to the doctor he says, "Now don't be alarmed when he starts being a fussy one … he is getting to that age that he isn't going to be content all the time like this."  He started saying that 4 months ago.
• Has 6 teeth.  2 of them are halfway through, but I am counting those.  
• Learned to pull himself up all the way this past weekend.  He has been teetering with it on Kirby's stool the last few weeks, but when we were at my parents house he did the full shebang.  Yay.  Or not yay.  
• Is "in to" more things that Kirby was.  He likes to wander and discover a lot more than Kirby did.  She used to (and still does) focus on whatever was in front of her.  Turning it every which way and trying to figure out how it worked and why it worked that way (CR thinks she is going to make a wonderful tractor hand one day … I say mechanical engineer).  Patton, on the other hand, plays and moves on quite quickly.  
• Does this cute little thing with his head when he is waiting at his high chair:

• He also does this really cute thing with his nose and eyes that I can't seem to get a picture of.  He closes/squints his eyes and pugs up his nose and kind of laughs.  It is so cute.  He does it randomly, so I am thinking it's when he has a funny thought.  Or gas.
• Eats everything I give him.  I hope he keeps that up.  Kirby used to … and then she got an opinion around the age of 2 and got picky.  
• So far is ambidextrous.  Some days he does everything with is left hand, other days he does everything with his right hand.  
• Signs milk, more, hi, and understands eat, sleep/tired, no.
• Is a stunner for the camera ….
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  I had to include Kirby in on this post too, because she has come such a long way as a big sister.To be honest, the first few months of Patton's life CR and I did not know what we had gotten ourselves into.  We knew that millions of people have kids the same age distance apart and that our parents did it and survived - amid throwing pencils and breaking butter dishes, right?  Many of our friends have children their same ages.  "They're doing great, why aren't we?" we often thought.  Then it occurred to us, they probably are having the same issues we are and no one talks about it.  It's part of being a growing family.  Remember the show "Growing Pains"?  Yup, now I know why it was called that.  Acclimating while adding is not as easy as it always seems.  When CR and I realized (and sometimes we have to remind ourselves this) that we are on the same team, things go so much smoother.  And Kirby senses and sees that, too.  She has started to actually play with Patton.  The other day I noticed her reading to him.  There are evenings while I am cleaning up from the day that I set Patton in the living room with her and they just play away.  Today her loving nature came out and it made me so happy.  He had to go in for his second round of the flu shot.  I explained to her what was going to happen at the doctor and I asked her if she wanted to hold Patton's hand.  She of course wanted to!  As the nurse came in she climbed up on the table with him and grasped his little hand into hers.  When the nurse ripped out the needle Kirby tightened her grip and said, "ah".  I reminded her not to be tense because then he would.  She looked at him with the most enduring eyes and said, "It's ok, brother, it will just hurt for a second.  Like an ant bite."  He yelped for 2.0 seconds then caught her gaze again and smiled through his tears.  Snap.  Memory for my cookie jar.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Go check out July 2011 post from my blog.  There is a picture of Kirby in this same position.  And in the 4th picture down on that post is the same thing that Patton does with his nose and eyes that I can not seem to get a picture.  Same fruit tree?  I think so!
  
  
  "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."  Ephesians 4:32

Celebration and mourning

Today was supposed to be a great day.  Today was supposed to be happy and warm fuzzy feeling all day.  Why you ask?  Because today I have been married to the love of my earthly life for 7 years.  Seven blessed years.  However, "the day" had a different plan…

Saturday we came back from Montgomery and noticed that Koda, our energetic, giddy, protector of the homestead Weimaraner, did not greet us.  This was really unusual.  She loves to roam from the barn to our house, but she knows when I am coming from about 2 miles away and always meets me in our driveway.  It's a comforting site when I make the turn from the county road into our gate and I see her silhouette standing there waiting for momma.  She tackles my legs with kisses and barrels over Kirby trying to show her how much she loves her, too.  Patton usually gives her a shriek or two and then she knows we are all in tow and safe.  Back to manning the farm she goes.  When she wasn't here Sunday morning I knew the inevitable was coming.  Either someone had picked her up (which was my honest prayer) or she had been hit.  I looked everywhere yesterday on my way to church and then to a shoot in Corpus . Nothing.  Then today C.R. had to move a tractor to town.  A tractor that put him 4 or 5 heads taller than when riding in his truck.  And he saw her.  She was in the ditch in front of our old house.  Thankfully (I guess) he said whatever hit her did it good and she would have died on impact.  Glad she didn't suffer.  My first thought was that she thought I left her since we were out of town.  But I know she knew better.

Koda and I sure had fun together.  We cried together, too.  Koda was here to help me heal after Gracie got kicked by a cow (gosh, these darn farm dogs).  Koda was there when I cried every time I took a pregnancy test for over 2 years.  She would just look at me with her crooked head as if to say, "what's wrong mom?"  Then she would snuggle with me in bed and make it all go away.  She trained with me for my first 1/2 marathon.  She ran with me every morning with Kirby.  She ran with me to the mailbox and back every day.  She ran with me, Kirby and Patton.  She ran a lot.  Kept me going when I wanted to quit.  She did not have a mean bone in her body, but I know she would attack on instant if she ever felt like I was threatened.  She had a good life, but it was way too short in my opinion.  She was just 5.

This past year has been tough.  I've heard rumors of the 7 year itch … that is not what has been tough.  We have just been learning to live life as 4 instead of 3, and that was a huge jump for us.  It has been a blessing, but not easy.  Both of us owning and managing our own businesses from home is hard thing to throw into that balance.  I am so thankful God blessed me with CR for this journey.  I know and I am reminded every single day that God spoke our marriage into existence.  His hand was in it from day one and is still in every move of it.  He has to be.  There is no way I could do this rock and roll, roller coaster called life with out Him as my guide and savior and my bearded man as my groom.  He has humbled me in ways that I know only divine intervention can do.  I never knew how impatient or selfish I was until I got married.  Ha.  ;)  God is gracious and loving and I am so thankful for that.  And for the institution of marriage.  And that marriage is God's priority.  He wants me (and you!!) to have the most amazing and blessed marriage you can ever have.  He wants you to love like you have never loved before.  He wants your marriage to be Heaven on Earth.  That is His will for you and your marriage; you can take that to the bank.

These pictures I feel sum up our marriage to an extent, so I thought I would share ...

This is my man, working hard in the middle of November and it being 90 degrees out.  Running a tractor and us bringing him lunch.  This is an occurrence that is often around here and I am so blessed to get to serve him lunch daily.

2 braids in our daughters hair.  2 very different and unique people in one person right there.  She is the best of both of us, and at times the worst of both of us.  We see so much of each other in her.  We prayed for his child since the beginning of "us".  Praise the Lord for her and what she is to us.

Marriage takes work with God as your teacher.  First of all, it takes work on you.  You must be willing to search your heart and allow Him to search you and change you.  Second, it takes you daily praying for your spouse.  

 The annual pig trip … where they go to get pigs and see corn over 7 foot tall.  This trip is so much a part of our lives … if it ever "quits", it will feel as if there is a hole.  It is a week apart and reminds me every time how much I need him in my life.  Not only to be a dad to the kids, but to be my best friend.  I miss my best friend when he is gone.

 Patton … our little man of a blessing.  Our little man that surprised us.  After getting pregnant so quickly after a miscarriage, he took us both by surprise, and brings so much joy to our lives daily.  He is  my calm and his daddy's charm.

 These are the kinds of pictures I take on our road trips.  Of us … of being cute and being snarly….

 These are the pictures he takes of "us" while on road trips.  He thinks I am cute when I sleep like that …these are just 1 day a part by the way.  Ha, think I have my "spot" figured out?

"The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Gen 2:18 …. Oh my Lord, you definitely made me a helper suitable for me.  We are like Mut and Jeff,; Larry and Mo; Olive Oil and Poppeye.  We balance each other.  We are each other's rocks.  It is not always easy and not always pretty.  We are laughs.   We are love.  We are real.

Nothing like your three year old

to help you face your fears.

 Today after I had a morning photo shoot, Kirby and I loaded up in the car so I could go sky diving.  No, just kidding, but that might as well have been the case.  For those of you that do not know, I am terrified, petrified, perplexed, panic-stricken of heights.  It's a gift I was blessed with from my daddy.  I get tingly inside, start sweating and sweating, and sometimes my fingers go numb just thinking about being in a high situation.  Well, today was a great friend of our's 8th birthday party on the USS Lexington in Corpus.  We're on our way, the mission of the day, starts when we say bridge!  Yes, you have to cross the really, really tall Harbor Bridge to get there.  I was ok with this, because I had just done it 2 weeks ago to attend a client meeting in Portland, so I knew I would make it ok.  Don't worry, I hold traffic UP when I cross that thing … 30 mph and sweaty knuckles grip the steering wheel like a brand new teenage driver at a drivers test.  Kirby kept saying, "Mommy, faster, faster, the boat is going to leave without us."  After the third time I replied through my teeth, "No they won't and please don't talk to me while I am driving over this thing."  Meanwhile she is giggling her head off, holding her hands in the air saying "whoo hoooo tickles my tummy".  Gosh Lauren, suck it up.  We make it to the parking lot, I dry my hands off and up the ramp we go to the ginormous boat.  It was a wonderful experience for her, and I was very touched at remembering all of the stories my grandpa told me about his Navy days.  I got a few tears in my eyes as I tried to retell them to my daughter.  She asks me about great-grandpa often, so I try to remember all I can so she at least has his stories to learn from.   

This is one of the Navy planes that was on the boat.  My grandpa never got to leave the ship I remember him telling me.  They went over and were ready to "jump on the beach", but his platoon (not sure if that is the right lingo) was never called.  I remember him telling me he was devastated and as grandma listened in, she would shake her head and say. "Well I was not."  I can imagine preparing, training and gearing yourself up for so long and then not being able to do as you feel you were called.  Tough deal, but so thankful for the stories and lessons he learned and shared with me.

So onto more of this fear of heights … it did not end at the bridge.  We had to go up some very steep, steep steps to get up to the top deck.  It was basically like a ladder - a long 10' ladder and one that I had not mentally prepared myself to climb, let alone allow my daughter to climb.  As Kirby looked back and held her precious little hand out to me and said, "Come on mommy, its our turn," I had no choice but to swallow my throat and pull up my big girl panties.  I started to pick her up to figure out just how to climb the ever lovin' steps while holding her, and do you know what this big girl says to me,?  "No mommy, I want to do it myself."  Gulp again.  And guess what?  She did it and we both arrived on the top deck safe and sound.  

Just a few short minutes later she decides to run ahead and see what everyone else is looking at.  To my dismay, the plank.  Kirby wants to walk the plank.  Of course she does, she doesn't know she is supposed to be deathly afraid of falling 500 feet down into the water.  "Come on mommy, commmmmmm onnnn!"  So up my big girl panties went again, but we didn't go all the way - just to the start of the plank, showed her what it was and what it was for, then suggested we go chase the seagulls.  Thankfully she was easily swayed to that idea and began making "caw caw" sounds in a heartbeat.  

I have heard many others say that having children will help you push yourself further than you thought you could ever go.  I know this was just the tip of the iceberg, because in the end it isn't about you.  It is about them and them discovering, learning, enjoying, breathing, living and loving life.  It is about you putting yourself and your doubts aside to help them grow.  It is about not being selfish and setting an example of how to be selfless.  It is about teaching courage that can only come from Christ.  It is about being safe in His arms, no matter how many times you have to swallow your throat.  It is about doing things for His glory and not your own accord.  

I swear I saw 4 grey hairs on my head this evening after my shower.  I named each one of them and thanked the Lord for the memories we stuffed in our cookie jar today.

Oh, and for those of you that have been on the boat, please do not under-mind my fear by sharing "just how tall" the stairs really are … or "just how far away from the water" the plank really is.  In my mind, these were the numbers.

Patton hung out with Daddy, Granny, and Daddy Ray today!

"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. "  Deuteronomy 31:6

Fall is here

even though it was 90 degrees yesterday.  All week the weather wizards were preparing us for a wonderful "rain event and cool front" that was to hit right before trick or treat time.  In fact, they said multiple times that by the time the kids head out, it would actually feel like Halloween.  Well guess what, they were wrong again.  Zilch rain.  It was 82 degrees on our way home last night.

We went up to the church fall festival, just like we do every year.  It was so much fun and I just love that our church puts on this event for the community.  It is a huge outreach and so many people that do not come to our church (possibly any church for that matter) come out, enjoy the fellowship, food and games, and get handed the good news.  Thank you, Jesus, for a church that loves others and gives them what they need.

For the last 2 months Kirby has been ecstatic about "going to Halloween".  We have been talking all about the holiday and preparing for her to dress up as Mrs. Kay and for Patton to be Jep.  On Tuesday she announces she is going to be a princess … Sofia the First to be exact.  What?  Go to her closet and see what we can transform.  She has plenty of dresses that could be "princess" dresses, but "Sofia's is purple, mommy, so I need a purple dress."  Amazon it is.  Prime membership proves good again.  If ordered in the next 5 hours would get here by Thursday afternoon.  Order and pray it gets here before we have to leave.  Fast forward to yesterday … UPS man pulls in at 3!!  We were heading out at 4:30 so we opened the box and went to town very quickly.  Everyone was happy, happy, happy.

 Anna Kate went as a princess too … anyone want to place bets that is why Kirby had a sudden revelation to be a princess?

So about leaving and getting everything on in a hurry.  It is hard to tell, but crazy mommy didn't put her dress together properly.  Poor Kirby.  Ha.  It was a 2-in-1 dress, so the 2nd part is attached to the front of the other dress, but not the back.  If you look closely in the picture above you can see it.  That dark purple part was supposed to detach, then Kirby was to slip into it so it would go all the way around her waist.  I thought it looked odd and was fitting her funny, but I did it so fast.  Didn't realize it until today when she wanted to put it back on to play.  I told her, "Ohhhh goodness …. your silly mommy.  I'm a nut, Kirby."  Kirby's response, "You're not a nut mommy.  You're funny mommy."  And she squeezed my neck, put her dress on and said "whoo hooo" then curtsied across the living room floor.  Thank you, Lord, for the hug on the neck, I sure needed it today!

So you see the girl to the left of Kirby?  Same dress as Kirby's but worn correctly … still didn't hit me.

 They had a cake walk, which is CR's favorite part, so he took her to do that.  Can you tell he was in charge of this activity?  He was all into the cake walk and Kirby just walked up, got a purple cup cake off the table, and stuck her face into it.  

For Halloween breakfast we made a pumpkin pancake, with raisins for the eyes and nose, and marshmallows for teeth.  She only ended up eating the teeth.  So she ONLY had sugar for breakfast…which ended up being quite a problem about 2 hours later.  Let's just say she had to make about 4 trips to her room to think about things and have her melt downs.  I am a strong believer in the foods people eat playing a role on their moods, and yesterday morning was my perfect case in point.

On Tuesday we spent most of the day outside, and one of our activities was painting a little pumpkin.  She took this job very seriously ...

I love how she likes to find ways to do things her own way.  When we first started painting, I squirted the paint on a plate for her to dip her brush into before painting it on the pumpkin.  She decided it was much more efficient if she were to squirt the paint directly on her brush.

Patton soon joined us and loved watching and swinging as sister painted the day away.

I can't believe October is over … it literally seems like yesterday we had CR's surprise party and that was 2 months ago!  Slow down time.

One more thing, Kirby did not sleep all night in her bed Tuesday and Wednesday night, but she did last night.  Twice in one week!!  Prayers this gets more of the norm  :)

"You who are young, be happy while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth."  Ecclesiastes 11:9a