Melting Mommy Moments

A mother's love is a unique kind of love.  You will not be able to find it anywhere else.  It isn't that you love that child more than your husband, but it is in a different kind of way.  When Kirby was first born, I had to remind myself what God says about our love and how it is to be.  I searched and searched for the exact verses that say, "Love God first, your husband second, your children third, and everything else after."  It is just one of those principles that isn't clear as glass, its more like clear as mud.  But if you read God's word and study the scriptures that support each other, you will come away with what God breathed into these inscriptions. As a wife and mother, He wants you to love what He has given you with your whole heart.  I don't know if you necessarily will love one more than the other, but there will come times in your life where you will need to learn through love to put your husband before your children.  I don't think He means when you have a new born baby that is needing to be fed to make sure you feed your husband first.  I believe that He means when it comes to life in general, when you look back on how you served your family, as a whole, did your husband feel your love as much as your children did?  Did your husband know that he was a priority in your life over your child's gymnastics class or baseball games?  Did your husband feel like you were willing to work hard during the day sometimes and prioritize moments so that you could spend some one-on-one time with him?  Did your husband feel the love that Christ intended for a wife to give?  The way I tell the difference in love for our Kirby and my CR is this: with Kirby, my heart melts with sweetness and sometimes gets puffed up with a sense of pride for what God has in trusted us with; for CR I get butterflies in my tummy and goosebumps all over my skin.  I love them both so much, but I have learned over the last 21 months there is a different kind of love.

I can't help but think about God's love in these situations.  I think about my love for Kirby and CR; I can't imagine loving anything more.  I can't imagine having anymore room in my heart, yet God loves us 7000 times more.  And not just me, but each and everyone (John 3:16 says He loved the world) of His children.  Can you imagine?  Be still and know for a moment with me.  Close your eyes and let God's love infiltrate your heart.  I do hope you did that with me because it just brought me to tears.  That is just a tiny morsel of what His love is for us.  Even when we as his little children steal a cookie from the cookie jar; He still loves us that much.  Even when we fall off the bandwagon and sleep in too long to read His inspired word; He still loves us that much.    My prayer for each of you is that you know this love.  If you don't and want to know how to receive it, please ask me or someone at a church how.  It is simple and it is the only decision you need to make in this life.

Some recent Melting Mommy Moments with Kirby
~ She has started to request songs at night.  We have always sung and rocked for about 3 songs, but lately when I get to the last song and I kiss her on the head, she leans forward and says, "Song, one more" and shows me one.  How can you not sing one more?
~She now likes to snuggle a little bit in the morning on the couch.  This used to be a daddy thing every morning, but now she wants to "up"with mommy.
~She will now lay her head on our shoulders and squeeze really, really tight when giving hugs.

~When something goes wrong (right now mainly having an accident) she will come to me, pull on my finger to come with her, and says "Oh no, oh no no no".
~At night she starts her prayer.  Sometimes I am in the middle of a song and she says, "pray".  As I begin, she starts naming off people we are thankful for.  It usually starts off with "daddy raaaay" and then a giggle.  As we name off everyone, she giggles afterwards.  When we say amen, she puts her head up and blows kisses to God and says, "nigh nigh".
~When I say her name about something, sometimes she smiles and says, " KK".  I don't want her to have a nickname (Im in love with Kirby) so I hope this doesn't stick or get picked up by anyone else ;).

I am starting to understand the love that my mother has for me.  I fully understand the protection love that she had for me in high school and in college when she wasn't sure I was making the right decisions.  Sometimes I think forward to Kirby being that age and I quiver.  I literally have to shake my head to get it out.  I know that with God as our guide we will survive raising a child, but it scares me to death in this current world.  I know that must be how every mother has felt since the dawn of time.  Each generation is so different than the previous, that one can not imagine their baby living in such a disaster.  The place I always come back to is this: God's word never changes, so if we live our lives and raise our child according to His direction with His guidance, you are doing all you can do as a mother who loves her child.

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."  Ephesians 6:4

More than Enough

And all of you
Is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with your love
And all I have in you is more than enough

This is a beautiful song by Jeremy Camp.  This is my life song right now.  I sing it over and over and over.  I sing it to Jesus.  I then I sing just this part to Kirby:

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me

Because He is and because she is.  He is what fills my cup every new morning.  He is what soothes me to sleep.  He is what gave me life and gives me eternal life.  He is more than I can ever get from this life.  And Kirby is more than I ever imagined in the gift of a child.  I thank God daily for choosing CR and I to have the blessing of a child and the blessing of that child being Kirby.  I do.  I really, really do and I really, really mean that if she is all we ever have, she is more than enough.

But my heart can't help but cry.  I wish I was stronger.  I wish I was like my friend Jenni Hankins who has had a content heart through their struggle with not only infertility, but the waiting and waiting of adoption.  Her husband told me the other day, "It's so nice that through all of this, we haven't ever had any grief about it."  I wish with all my heart I could say the same thing.  I try to be that confident, pure spirit about it, but in the silence with God I break.  I mean I break down.  

I was doing good until January when I had a chemical miscarriage.  It happened at 3 a.m. and before I even got out of my bed, my heart knew what had happened.  I was o.k. with it .. after reading why they occur I was really o.k. with it.  It is amazing how God formed our bodies and how everything works together.  And when something ain't right, it does the right thing to fix it.  Terrible to say that a miscarriage is the right thing.  

Then after that, just about everyone we know asks us when we are going to give Kirby a little sibling.  I was used to that from when we were trying before and everyone was saying, "When are you going to start a family?  Don't you think it's time to start a family?"  

My friend Kayla Nemec tackles infertility issues head on as well.  I love her reminders.  I love how she has taken positive, public steps to deal with the pain of the issue.  I pray for her daily, that she would get to experience at least a Kirby in her life.

Cause that is just it ... I should be so happy and feel blessed beyond measure that God gave me at least this one chance at being a mother.  I'm not saying I will never be able to get pregnant.  I am not saying I am giving up the possibility and that God is done with me.  Hear me loud and clear, I  HAVE FAITH LIKE A MUSTARD SEED.  Again the issue is that I am not ovulating.  We haven't tried any medication yet, because I know that when God's timing is ready it will all work out again. 

Now, how do I get that message from my head down to the inner most veins of my heart?

He is more than enough.  Kirby is more than enough.  CR is more than enough.  My cup literally runneth over, yet I crave more ... 

Cleaning house

Did you notice I rearranged things on the blog again?  It just wasn't sitting right with me.  I have never been 100% in love with the name after my Picking Patricks got hacked.  I've been thinking about it a lot lately and what the blog portrayed of our family.
I am 100% in love with Ree Drummond.  If you don't already follow her here you need to.  You.  Need.  To.  I love her cookbook - waiting eagerly to get her second one.  I know it is out, just haven't been able to get it yet.  I love her show.  CR and I watch it together.  Their life is so similar to ours (well, except for all of the glamour they get with having a TV show).  Ree and I are like this - if you could see me I am doing the eye thing.  We are so very similar in personality, our passions, and our story.  I have been blogging just as long as she has and have been taking pictures just as long (she is a lot better, and actually since she is older probably has been doing it longer).  I am not comparing us in any way - she definitely far exceeds my talents, but its just so fun to read along with her story and think, "there is someone just like me out there!  There is someone else who feels like they were uprooted and placed out in the middle of nowhere!"  When I first read her book I said, "Ugh, someone beat me to writing my story!"  But then I began to really think about it ... our stories are very much alike, however, I know mine was on purpose.  She says on her show and in her book, "I'm an accidental country girl!"  I loved that.  It rang so true to my heart.  This morning as Kirby and I were walking and I was getting to see this  

 it occurred to me that our stories may divide there.  I know that God purposefully planted me here in Bishop, hence the new name.  I know God "has plans for me ... plans to prosper and not harm, plans to give me a hope and future.  Jeremiah 29:11 (paraphrased)  He knew that this girl who grew up with a golf course as a backyard would end up playing hide and seek with cows one day ...

 do you see her?  We do this every morning.  He knew that I could trade my four iron in for a shovel to help feed the cows cotton seed.  He knew that the thorns in my side would no longer be sand traps, but these beautiful things that most people would call flowers ....

This one, my dear friends, is a weed.  Funny story, when we first moved down here my mother went out and cut a handful of these off of our fence line and put them in a vase on our kitchen table.  Within a day CR had to throw them out because he was sneezing and getting all kinds of allergy mess going on.  He had to explain to momma that these weren't the typical sunflower; they were weeds.  Who woulda known?  

God knew that I would get excited when I started to see this in the fields

 The touch, the feel of cotton.  The fabric of our lives.  Literally, the FABRIC of our lives.  We raise this stuff.  How cool is that?  Sometimes I have to remind myself how amazing it really is what my family does for a living.  We farm.  WE FARM.  It isn't a hobby.  It is a living, breathing farm.  When I met someone a few weeks back they said, "You mean, like, doing the big tractors and everything?  You mean like having crops right there in your backyard?"  Yup, I mean right there ...

 This is a picture of our garden.  The tall stuff on either side of the short rows is corn.  The crops in the middle are green beans and I think black eyed peas, too.  Kirby calls all of the crops corn.
God knew.  His loving, gracious hand has been upon it since the day I met CR in 2004.  His hands were holding me tight as I fought hard and dug deep to stay in College Station.  His loving arms embraced me as I cried many mornings and nights our first year of harvest.  And His hands are upon us every moment of our lives here.  As fun as it sounded to be an "accidental country girl" ... that is Ree's story.  I am an on-purpose farm girl raising another one as we speak.

 Her newest thing is to take her daddy's old remote control and pretend it is a camera.  Here she is taking a picture of me, taking a picture of her

 And of course she had to bring it along for our walk so she could take pictures of everything just like mommy.  Every time I stopped to snap, she did too and said, "Cheese".  Yes, the John Deere boots had to be on today.

 My beautiful view on our walks.  Wouldn't trade it for anything.

 The dogs decided they wanted to ride instead of walk.

This is our home; this is our story.  This is our journey with God as our tour guide and His Word as our map.  I hope I never forget that.

Thoughtful people ...

rock. my. world.  God puts certain people in our lives for very specific reasons.  He may use you to encourage someone else, or for them to encourage you.  He uses people to teach us.  He uses people to share His truths.  He uses people to grow us.  He uses 
"... all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28.  I remind myself of this verse all the time.  It goes right along with
 “Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6.  

Just when I start getting a little homesick out here, He puts something on someone else's heart that encourages me or reminds me it is OK to live this far away and still have a wonderful relationship.  A well needed "thoughtfulness" came today in the mail from my daddy.  I love unexpected things.  Nothing big, nothing costly, just something that reminded me that I am thought of and remembered even this far away.  Just a little something that he knows I would be interested in.  It was just an article from a recent newspaper he read that talked about a blogger and her joys of blogging.  It reminded me that I need to take time to revisit my favorite past-time, even when I am busy.  It helps me to clear my head and my heart and I always get so much more accomplished after blogging.  Weird, but true.  

I know you have people in your life like this.  If you don't, maybe it is because you need to be that kind of person.  Maybe there is someone you know that could use a little reminder that they are loved or that you haven't forgotten about them.  It is easy for us to get so busy, but it will make you feel so much better if you just reach out with a little hello note or phone call.  Not an email, text message or Facebook comment.  Make it as personal as possible and it will touch the heart all the more.  I love technology and the immediateness of it all, but there is nothing that replaces the excitement of going to the mailbox expecting bills and junk and seeing a hand written "nothing much" with your name on it.  Be the first to "Pay it forward" and see what kind of love comes back around your way.  

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him." Psalm 103:13

Now on to Ms. Kirby Rose ... I can not believe she is 20 months!

This picture was actually taken when she was right at 19 months when we were visiting Montgomery for the first visit of three in the last month - yes, I am exhausted!  Just a crummy phone picture, but I loved the sunflower on her head so I had to share.  

At 20 months, Kirby is really getting her own little personality.  Lot's of charm if I may say so myself.  I wish I had a video of how she waves to little kids (even the ones older than her that she thinks are "toooo cute").  She puts her hand softly by her cheek and waves real slowly and carefully.  

We have started the potty training adventure.  Next week we are going all out full force when I get some of those neat, thick, panties.  Right now we just have Minnie Mouse ones that, well, don't hold up well when she has accidents.  She has randomly gone and sat on duck and pottied 3 times.  She likes mommy's dance and the duck's "Whooohooo".

She has some new words that she loves to say:

owwwww

helloooo

no,no,no 

oh no,no, no

hippo

yellow

purple

banana

oh ok

ready

ready 1, 2, 3

She actually has gone on duck 4 times now ... just had to take a quick break and do my dance.  Thank you sweet Lord for allowing me to be at home to be the one to teach my precious gift from God this new concept. It is frustrating and challenging, but that is one reason why we put in concrete floors everywhere instead of carpet!  

I am not sure how much she weighs.  My guess is about 27 lbs.  She wears 12-18 month clothes and likes to help decide what shoes she is going to wear. Her favorite are her John Deere boots.  I will approve a boot fetish instead of a heel obsession any day!

 Finally Mommy and Daddy got to go on a 2 hour date to Aggie Muster in Alice.  Thank you momma for watching Kirby Rose so we could have some time with adults!

 Enjoying the Montgomery County Fair with cousins Kyleigh and Brayleigh.  We got to watch Kyleigh show her heifer for the first year.  She did so well and we were happy to be there.

 She hates car washes.  She kept saying, "No, no bubbles.  Bye bye bubbles."

 Feeding and calling the cows with Daddy Ray.

 We have one pure bred black male pup left for sale.  Please,please let me know if you or anyone you know is interested.  We need him off our food bill and maybe with one less dog we will look a touch less redneck.  Just a touch ...

Eye carumba

I can not believe that it has been an entire month since I have been able to sit down and blog.  And, unfortunately, I am not going to be able to massage my heart as much as I would like to tonight.  Maybe in 2 weeks when I slow down a bit with Route 1Photography.  I will, however, update you in bullets so that you know what has gone on in the past month - way more than I can imagine even sitting here now after we are already on the flip side of the month!

• The Lord blessed Route 1 Photography with a solid booked March.  Actually, over booked, but as I begin this adventure, I want to take on all that my family and I can handle to get my name out there.  Then in a few years, maybe I will be able to decide how busy I will be.  I will not let this business run me - it has worked wonderfully thus far with our schedules.
• My dad came to Patrick Farms' rescue!  We have had our "fun"with trying to keep work hands this year and at the beginning of planting season had no one but our "sometimes, if I feel good Ill come sixty five year old numskull" as a full time employee.  We didn't know what we were going to do, but knew the Lord would provide.  Sure enough, Daddy to the rescue.  He saved our booties and stayed for 3 whole weeks.  He trudged through the nagging hours of "what do we need to do today" talks between the boss men, ran many miles back and forth to John Deere and Beyond, and sat many hours on the tractor planting (and then re-planting) cotton, corn, and grain.  Hebrews 13:16 comes to mind, "Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God."  Dad shared his time and his willingness to learn and do.  
• Kirby and I made a weekend trip to Montgomery to have bunny and bluebonnets pictures and also 2 family sessions.  That was a busy, busy weekend for pictures, but was such a blessing to me.  I got to catch up with one of my dearest high school gal pals and meet some wonderful people.  Of course getting to see family was great, but I was gone so much I can't even remember where they fell in.
• Kirby turned 19 months.  She is starting to be quite the character.  She really enjoyed her PawPaw being here for 3 weeks.  After he left, she still woke up and went right to the pantry to get the raisins he would give her every morning.  She walked around a few days shrugging her shoulders and saying, "Paw Paw?".  Made me tear up because I missed him just as much as she did.  Here is where she is on things I can remember off the top of my head:
• words she says clearly: horse, pig, momma, dawg, no-no, get, sit, stay, cracker, fish, bird, chich-en, egg, go, bye, hi, hello, phone, yewwow, purple, duck, bear, deer, cock a doo, ball, jump, bubble, seat, sit, down, up, bed, night night, Kyleigh, Granny, Daddy Ray, Daddy, E, Ray, Baby
• new signs she knows: down, Bible, yes
• has teeth coming in (seems like this has been for 2 months now!) on the bottom eye teeth area.
• went potty in the duck one random day.  I decided to do it the right way and go full force when we get back from our last scheduled trip to Montgomery next week.  It already takes 5 1/2 hours to get there; I can't imagine how it would be stopping every 30 minutes when teaching her about potty.
• Likes to go with CR to check on the fields, with Daddy Ray to feed the cows, and with mommy anywhere.
• Is loved so deeply I don't think I can even describe it.  I am so thankful that God blessed us with Kirby Rose when He did.  I am so thankful that He gives me opportunity after opportunity to fund the desire in my heart to stay home.
• CR and Patrick Farms planted 4000 acres.  This means that for 4000 acres not only did they plant, but Lauren, Kirby and Kitty cooked and ran food to the field for lunch and supper for 3. weeks. straight.
• For Easter we were able to go up to Montgomery to visit.  We were so thankful that for the first time in about a year, the whole family was going to be together.

 The blue thing is called a field cultivator.  It is being pulled by a track-tractor.  

 CR's new toy - a 24 row planter.  Totally made 4000 acres doable!  

 Dad found it funny that the new toy was being pulled by a tractor that had rust.

 Kirby delivering supper to her Paw Paw.

 Checking seed levels in the planter.

Kirby's Easter picture.

 Attempt a family picture.  Don't worry, there is a good one in the bunch and I will put myself in there.  Can you see all the wrong with this picture?  Grown adults!

 "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." 1 Peter 3:7  LOVE. THIS.MAN.

 E and Ray

Her first Easter egg hunt with the Hemken family and all she wanted to do was holler for Kyleigh to come help her.

Psalm 103:17

"But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children."

Quick update

Sorry I have been MIA.  I will be MIA again for a few days I am sure, so I wanted to put in a quick update this Sunday so that you didn't think we fell of the face of the Earth ... I mean, it is flat, right?

• My daddy is a hero!  I know all little girls think that, but mine is for real.  Im sure yours is, too.  He rearranged his work schedule so that he could come down and help Patrick farms get through planting season.  God is so good.  I know that He has an even bigger purpose of putting him here right during these moments.  So many reasons, actually.  Besides helping the farm, he is a tremendous help to me in this always hectic season.  I usually cook for the hands and take the meals to the field. Lots of greasy laundry.  You get the idea.  On top of all that, busy with photography (another bullet on that).  So I know I'm selfish, but he is here helping me, too!
• Kirby is picking up on so many new words.  Clearly saying orange, tractor, truck, horse, hippo ... those are the new ones I can think of this week.
• Photography is booming for now, but know once seniors settle may get dead.  Help spread the work to families for me, please!  I have a shoot everyday this next week except Friday.  Phew - not sure!
• Momma is coming to help me with Kirby so I can get the above done.  I am so blessed to have the parents that I do.  Not sure I tell them that enough.
• CR got a new planter - do I need to go into details on how excited he is?  Pictures will come!
• I am a modern day Annie Oakley, watch out!
• I was trying to give up caffeinated coffee (what is the point of decaf besides the warmth and feel of it, I know, but it does satisfy my craving) again because I know it has a little to do with fertility issues and I don't want caffeine to control me.  Well, with the crazy schedules we have had and being near a Starbucks pretty often the last few weeks, I am now in more trouble with the beverage than I was before.  Cold turkey I think is how it is going to have be ... after next week!
• I am so thankful that God commands my steps and I pray about each of the above steps before I commit.  Each has a purpose for Him, even if I don't clearly see it now.

   "I know, O Lord, that the way of man is not in himself, that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps." Jeremiah 10:23

Puppies

They are growing so fast!  Kirby loves them.  She goes every morning to check them out from the window.  She says, "dawwww-g"

 The 4 that survived are thriving well.  They are monsters at just 10 days old.  

Monday was a super long day for Kirby and Momma.  It was not supposed to be, but with a 2 hour doctor visit, that is just how it goes.  Do you ever have a day where you wake up in a fog?  Just kind of gloomy feeling for no reason what so ever?  That was me on Monday.  I wasn't in a bad mood, just blah.  Anyhow, the whole day went that way.  This is how Kirby started the morning, so getting errands done before the appointment was postponed.  

 Try as I might to shake the feeling, that is just how it was.  When we got to the doctor's office 15 minutes early (so proud of us!!) you could not help but notice the sick waiting room.  It was over flowing - there were sick people waiting in the hallway where the well people walk by!  Oh no - run from them like they have the plague!  The well waiting room only had about 5 people in it, and they were all already complaining that their appointments were "30 #$%% minutes ago!"  Oh people.  So I knew it was going to be a day of this room.  That's ok for Kirby!  We just got out some toys and books, talked to everyone around the room, blew kisses to the sick people in the hallway, and escorted everyone in and out of the office as they were coming and going.  She loved it.  That was until it was her turn to go behind the closed doors.  She lost it the minute we went to the scale.  Not sure if she had flashbacks from last week at the X-ray office or what.  We were able to somehow get her weight, height, vitals, and then 2 shots.  Then another 30 minute wait in the room.  That was trying because she was DONE.  To the core.  There wasn't much I could do to calm her down.  She did look in the mirror and few times and say, "baby".  And the cords on the blinds that they tell you to stay away from entertained her until the doctor came in.  Then she lost it again.  Needless to say, her 18  month check up went "well".  She is healthy and right on track.

At 18 months:

weight: 25 lbs 5 oz.

height: 32"

head circumference: 18"

She is in the 65th percentile.  They never tell us this, but they did this time.  I don't even really know what it means to us.  I know that many other kids' moms tell me they are in the ninety something percentile, so if the higher the better, we aren't doing so hot.  It is what it is though, and I am pretty sure I don't have control over that number.  I know that she is rarely sick - allergies have kicked in this season, but clear sniffles is all thus far - eats well, runs around all the time, speaks very well, and is happy go lucky.  That is all we ask for and praise God for all of that.  CR says, "I think all that tells us is that she will not be going to A&M on a basketball scholarship."  

Then we had to truck on to Walmart and to add to our day, there were no baskets in site.  I will end our long day "wah - wah- wahs" there.

We stopped at the library on the way home so we could end our adventure on a good note.  This was her first time and she loved it.  Not as interested in the books as she was the furniture.

 These were all quick shots with my phone, so not the best quality, but you get her rambunctiousness!

" ... whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."  1 Corinthians 10:31

Yes, even waiting in a room full or upset, lost parents, do it for God's glory.