This week had already been a bottle of emotions for me. The day before was Patton's birthday and he turned 3. 3. My sweet, charming little boy that I had dreamed of since a little girl was now this little man child. He woke up wanting to go tee tee in the potty and the words coming from his precious mouth seemed so much more clear. He also decided he didn't need help getting his shoes on. Who cares that they were 3 sizes too big, he did it on his own and was ever so proud.
This week was stock show week, which has so many memories and emotions already for me, and our kids aren't even officially show age yet.
You see, 6 years ago that week I took a test in the high school bathroom, and against all odds it came out positive. 6 years ago I heard Kirby's little, barely there heartbeat for the first time. 6 years ago I brought my husband a hamburger to the pig barn parking lot with a pacifier in it and watched as he looked at it in complete confusion. 6 years ago we laughed until we cried and then praised God together right there in that very spot. A time I will forever have burned in my heart. God is such a gracious God!
4 years ago I was in pain, deep pain in my heart as I sat in the waiting room to get blood work done after a miscarriage. I remember CR telling me I should just stay home from the show that year but all I wanted to do was take Kirby there to have memories and get my mind off of what had happened. I knew God had a plan, but was still sad. God is such a comforting God as I was able to laugh and snuggle my precious Kirby as she looked on in awe at the pig show.
1 year ago I had been oh so sick, and freezing cold as I went to hear Bowen's heartbeat for the very first time and see the perfectly shaped beginnings of a baby. It was all a secret still so I swallowed my nassau and marched up to the pig show to see my precious Kirby playing with all her buddies she had made that morning while hanging out with Daddy. God is such a gracious God.
Now do you see why the tears just came? Didn't take much, but there they were. Grace - God giving us what we don't even deserve. When I see my 3 precious kids, I am reminded of God's grace. I do not deserve these kids one bit, but oh how I am thankful. And oh how I am sorry for the times I wish time would speed up to get us through a rough patch. But with those rough patches come so many memories, growth, and love. We are in the trenches, mommas, but hang tight, this one will be over soon as a different one begins. There will be tears, but there will also be laughter, oh sweet laughter. That innocent sound of a child's giggle .... grace.
{Can't they stay like this and want to play American Girl Doll and craft time forever?}
As I watched Kirby prance around following Chase the pig, I couldn't help but chuckle. The bounce and pep in her step is just like her momma's, but the determination and drive in her eyes is from her daddy. The grin from ear to ear is her momma's, but the stubborn flick of the wrist as she shows her pig is straight from the male gene. What a combo she is!
This grin is as good as it gets. She was so happy and had the best time. What made her day even more than getting to show a pig? The fact that she had rows of people cheering her on. Kirby sure is blessed to have such amazing friends and family in her life. Friends that had been up at the barn all day, but stuck around to see her show 2 hours later. Friends that came out of there way to come, even just to watch her go in the ring for 3 minutes. She may not truly realize what it meant that night, but CR and I do, and we will make sure she knows as she grows up. Kirby, if you are reading this years later --- YOU ARE LOVED. By many.
The morning after the stock show was a rough one, and I was feeling ever defeated. Kirby decided she suddenly didn't know how to put on her own socks and shoes, and Patton refused to use the potty again. This after the pediatrician made me feel guilty that I had him in a diaper at his 3 year check up. CR was on the road 300 miles away to get some cattle for my daddy, and I just needed to cry. So I did, and then I reminisced about the day before and my epiphany during the show. Thank you, Lord, for humbling me just in time. And like I told the man at HEB today who told me I was a pro since Bowen was my third ... "Ya, until they show me I'm not!"
These are the kinds of pictures I get when I let him out of the farm and in to town. He goes and buys a fast food cap. I can't even handle the amount of redneckness in this picture.
This kid right here ... he is the God given reason I have been able to breathe and slow down. I know that sounds completely backwards ... how in the world could adding another child allow you to slow down. He has made me. He eats slow ... like would take him an hour to nurse slow. He burps slow. Nothing he does is fast. Thank you, Bowen, for slowing me down. And thank you, Lord for giving me him to remind me to slow down. From the get go I had to slow down with him ... even before he was born. God's grace in a carseat.
"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."
2 Corinthians 12:8-9
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