If you know me much at all, you know I have battled insecurities with weight for most of my life. When I was 15 I started taking action to deal with those issues and things got out of control. It started small by doing the right things (eating better, smaller portions, working out), but then as I saw results, it became my life. Loosing weight literally took over every aspect of my being. I took being healthy to a unhealthy level. Looking back I would say it ruined my life, but God is so merciful and look at all He has blessed me with today, so not sure I would go that far. I was a busy teen on the golf team, raising heifers, being active in the church and youth group, and also trying to be a smart enough kid to get in to my college of choice, Texas A&M. As I entered the spring of my sophomore year, the weight was really coming off and it changed my golf swing. Overnight I literally lost my swing. No where to be found. My elbow started flying, I started slicing the ball way left, and I started looping at the top like Jim Furyk. I spent countless hours at the range, with my coach, and even with a pro from our golf shop to try to fix things. Nope. Nothing. I truly believe that my change in weight and stature had everything to do with it. I could do nothing to fix it, so I quit. I quit something that had been a love of mine since I was about 7 years old, going to golf camp every summer when we visited the lake house.
I was so busy in life that the only time I could fit in my jog was first thing in the morning. What happens first thing on Sunday mornings, though? Church. What did I do? I started missing church or at least Sunday school so I could fit in my job. Figuring out what I was going to eat when I went out with friends consumed my life too, so I started not doing that as much either. If I couldn't control it, basically, I just decided not to do it.
I found myself at school having a hard time focusing and being very tired (lack of calorie intake I am sure). My body started taking a toll, too. At 17. My body and how it was to function as a girl completely stopped. Nothing was working right, but when I went to my pediatrician, everything checked out fine so they were none the wiser. Don't get me wrong, I didn't want anything to change. I liked the way I looked. Or at least I thought I did. My family was always concerned but knew to dare not say anything or I would blow up. Defense is a key factor in an eating disorder by the way. I do remember clearly stepping on the scale one day while on the phone with my sister who was away at college. I remember telling her, "Uh oh, I think I need to eat more ... I am down to 88 pounds." She blew up on the other end.
To make a long story just a bit shorter for you, I tried to put weight back on, but it was an emotional tie for me. Once I tried that, I had an unhealthy relationship with food from then on. Through college I battled anorexia bulimia. It was not pretty. Ask my friends. I was swollen. I would gain weight even though I really was not keeping much. Finally I hit rock bottom and asked the Lord to help me. And He, of course, did. When I truly turned it over to Him (through prayer and actions), He did. It was not easy breaking unhealthy habits, but with Christ as my provider I did. I also got checked at my doctor for thyroid issues, which came back that I had a slow thyroid, got on medicine for that, and things became very well balanced. I learned to be healthfully healthy.
When I got pregnant with Kirby, I gained a healthy amount of weight and was active as much as I could be throughout the pregnancy. After having her, the weight came off without any extra efforts. I did nothing different than before, just my healthy habits. With my pregnancy with Patton, I gained the same amount of weight, but was not able to move as much as I did with Kirby. I was sick to my tummy throughout most of my first 20 weeks, then I started to move some and contractions started early, so I relaxed that. Then by 32 weeks when I could not control them, I completely stopped any extra moving. I snacked a lot, too. The weight stayed off but unhealthy habits creeped in. Snacking too late at night, wrong kind of snacking (carbs, carbs, carbs ... processed carbs at that!!) and not moving. These habits did not leave once he was born. I seemed so hungry all the time and I know it was because I was eating the wrong things for fuel. I was getting quick energy, but nothing substantial for my life. The weight had all come off as soon as I was home from the hospital, but over the next 5 months I had gained 15 pounds back. Whattt? Within that time I had started Weight Watchers to make sure I was getting enough intake to nurse Patton. I think I am the only person on this planet who gains weight on Weight Watchers.
Finally, I called up an acquaintance who is a life coach through Take Shape for Life. It is no coincidence that the week I started this program, my Becoming the Woman God Wants Me to Be devotional is titled, Healthy Eating. I wish I could quote everything she has said, but here are just a few points that have really stuck out to me and my past journey with food:
- The very first recorded sin involved a woman being tempted by food that looked too good to pass up.
- Children take eating cues from the adults in their lives.
- The Proverbs 31 woman brought food from afar (fields ... it was of the earth)
- Overeating is truly one of the most destructive things you can do to your body, right behind living a stressful life ( refusing to trust God).
- At it's core, gluttony proves we value flesh more than the spirit.
- Feed yourself and your family healthy food, not convenient food.
Each of those bullets are pulled directly from the book and coincide with scripture. This book is amazing. And the fact that all of it is from The word amazes me even more. These are truths that I have needed to hear for years. Truths that I need to apply to my life and my children's lives. Truths that tie in to the healthy habits that I am learning to reincorporate into my life through the Take Shape for Life Program. I am on day 4 and I feel so amazing. My body is energized. High fructose no longer controls me system (its addictive I have learned). I know it is because so much of the junk in my life is being purged; food and spiritual. If you need a step in the right direction, I highly suggest you check out the program, or if you are good enough then just take steps in the right direction alone with the Lord. Check out Becoming the Woman God Wants Me to Be also. It is good for so many reasons. It has helped me to realize that although my children do come before me, I need to be healthy for them. By taking the time and making the right decisions in my life, I am indirectly putting them as priority and laying foundations for them to have a healthy relationship with God, food, and exercise.
"Is life not more important than food?" Matthew 6:25
"God satisfies your desires with good things." Psalm 103:5
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